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ARE OLD SCHOOL VALUES AS RELEVANT AS A TYPEWRITER OR NOT?
I'm going to tell you right now - if you're into having many different "encounters" with many different partners then I'm not judging you nor telling you how to live your life but realize that this dating blog is not for you.
I teach guys how to keep Ms. Right long-term leading to marriage. I get that in the 2000's that philosophy isn't for everyone and that's cool by me. The longer I live the more I realize that the famous line from the Woody Allen movie "Hannah and Her Sisters" applies to people that think they know it all. Woody Allen's father in the movie, when posed a deep philosophical question about evil said "I don't know how the can opener works."
So, if you're totally against marriage, long-term relationships, monogamy, etc - that's your choice but if you are still into those things, you better not ignore old school values that will not only serve you in a relationship but in all areas of your life.
It's so easy to think that just because we have iPhones that we are automatically more enlightened than people wandering around in past eras. Why have integrity and protect your reputation? We can instagram instead - ugh.
By the way - the whole "open marriage" thing to me is really dumb - I get why people do it because they think they can have their cake and eat it too - but I'm here to tell you that THERE IS ALWAYS ONE PARTNER MORE INTERESTED THAN THE OTHER and there will eventually be jealousy, resentment, etc.
It just makes sense that someone is more in love and the more in love person is going to be the one harboring negative feelings even though they say it's okay. I don't see a point to getting married if you want it to be "open." You can keep it really "open" by never saying "I do" in the first place.
Below are 3 old school values that won't change and you AND the girl you decide to spend the next 40 years with better have these if you want a chance
INTEGRITY/REPUTATION
Do what you say you'll do and don't pull any nonsense on anyone like trying to lie, cheat or steal to gain the advantage.
Basically be a stand up person and protect your reputation at all costs. We've talked about General Petraeus on the show before - what was his reputation prior to his scandal and then now?
We live in a world of instant communication - everyone can be their own journalist by pointing their HTC One at you and uploading you to YouTube - I recommend you get the book entitled "The 48 Laws of Power" because it will give you insights into human nature and why it is important you defend yourself against those that would destroy your reputation - and not in a paranoid way either - just in a common sense fashion.
Back to dating and relationships - if you cannot be the type of person and she cannot be the type of person that acts with integrity how can you build something based on mutual trust and respect? Well, the answer to that is you can't!
60 DAYS TO RETURN THE SYSTEM!
When you buy THE SYSTEM book I give you 60 days to return it - why?
Because HARDLY ANYONE EVER DOES - it literally has changed THOUSANDS OF LIVES around the world.
Get more details about THE SYSTEM HERE
KINDNESS
This is a vital one. If she's not kind and you're not kind then it's tough for each of you to bring anything to the table because kindness shows a concern for others that allows you to look outside yourself - we are so selfish in this society in many cases.
What did I get? How are my needs going to be fulfilled? Look at all my pictures on Facebook. Check out what I had for breakfast. I'm so hurt and I'm telling my 1,321 friends about it and I hope I get over 65 likes on my post.
I get that we as people are selfish by nature - if people didn't have something in it for them nothing would get done - we'd still be running around calling each other Oog and struggling with the concept of fire.
However, in spite of all that there are some people that can overcome their natural inclination to look at the world completely as it affects them - they see the point of view of the other person and even if they don't need them, they still try to make things better for them.
I will take a "kind" cute girl over a "selfish" hot girl any day of the week for a long-term relationship - and by the way - that doesn't mean that extremely beautiful women cannot be kind nor does it mean that average women can't be selfish - I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM that you should get to know each woman over time and evaluate her on the merits she brings as an individual.
The bottom line is that she better be kind and YOU better be kind too - because operating always as a selfish human being is not good for long-term relationships - you just don't get anything out of always being that person grabbing for everything they can all the time - it's ultimately an empty existence even if you've managed to get all the "toys" you think you need.
LOYALTY
I can break it down simply - she's got your back and you have her back - and you two watch out for each other as she is the most important person in your life and vice versa. You don't put her on blast in public in ANY circumstance and she doesn't do it to you. You don't talk bad about her on social media, to your friends, at work, via smoke signals, etc. and you should expect the same - everything that happens is BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU - no one else.
The loyalty that you have to your partner and the loyalty that she has to you should be unwavering and unbreakable because if it's not then there is no foundation of trust and respect and therefore no relationship
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I see from time to time on comments I read online (which amuse me) that my old school values are out-of-touch because they think since I've been doing this over 40 years how can I possibly know what's going on in the modern world?
Regular readers of this blog know that Doc Love Dot Com, Inc. has embraced everything technology has to offer on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Internet Radio and of course, my website - I LOVE TECHNOLOGY.
In spite of being able to send a 6 second video, human beings haven't changed from the time we first learned to stand on two feet - were complex, selfish, competitive creatures that have a high degree of self-interest for nothing more than survival - and if you don't understand that basic human nature hasn't changed since the days when the "wheel" was the iPhone of the society in terms of advancement then you are heading for a fall.
Remember guys, if you're going be with a woman for the next 40 years then she better have those old school traits I describe above - and if she does then I expect you to have them as well.
YO, YOU'RE UP!
I want to hear your thoughts on this or if you have any questions - jump on the discussion below and PLEASE share this article!
Hi Doc! So no “likes” until she is your girlfriend?
Now it’s more common to see girls posting on Facebook their daily experiences and I just remembered something that happened with a girl I was dating (more than 12 dates in, good rapport and she was already asking me “where do this was going?” but I decided to not make it my girlfriend because it was heading to a long distance relationship at the end of the year), she told me she wanted a picture of me and her on Halloween, I told her I’m not much into photos, but it really seems important to her, so we took the picture, she upload it to facebook the next day and I didn’t gave it a “like”. On our next date she mentioned something about it… and I told her “You know I feel happy when I see you, you sexy devil lady” she laughed, gave me a kiss and said to me “I feel happy when I see you too, you sexy gangster” I felt she relaxed about it that day, but I’m starting to feel they are really giving a lot of importance to this social media stuff.
So what is your advice on this social media? use it with caution?
Hi Ed,
I know it’s a reality in today’s society but social media is ANTI-CHALLENGE and if you can avoid being connected with her on the platforms that is better for you. Also, if she is uptight enough that you didn’t give her a “like” for a photo you two took together then you might have a structured woman (but it seems as if you got by that one because she didn’t make a big deal out of it)>
The bottom line is that the more you connect with her in the virtual world the less of a MYSTERY/CHALLENGE you are in the real world and therefore ultimately BORING to her – be the guy that’s exciting.
Remember guy, at one point in time women “said” they wanted a guy to call them every night but got BORED with it – never do things just because you think you’re “expected” to – remember what she actually responds to (MYSTERY/CHALLENGE) and not what she “says” she wants (which will get you blown off!)
If you need more proof, read about this guy who got married to a woman even though she was frustrated he refused to text with her: https://doclove.com/2014/01/16/dating-women-advice-for-guys-you-changed-my-life/
Doc, I just can’t emphasize it less, that you ARE a prophet sent to us by your wisdom and experience. Your talks truly touch me. I love reading your materials and I always learn something valuable.
I look around and see thousands of successufl guys who bang a chick per week and then they get married with so-called modern relationship mindset. But soon they lose interest and they end up divorcing, cheating, or mere toleration.
On the opposite, each happy couple that I see, has many of the traits you mention.
I want to thank you agian.
I can’t thank you enough for being smart enough to see that I’m brilliant (ha, just kidding!)
Seriously though, what I teach has come from thousands of talks from women – and then I took those talks, applied my guy filter to it, and voila, THE SYSTEM was born and continues to grow thanks to students like you.
I appreciate you writing a great observation letter and keep on keeping on – Ms. Right is out there!
Old is Gold, doc!
I can imagine Don Corleone from the Godfather saying “Never go against old values”. Thanks for the enlightening article.
Moe,
Thank you for the kind words as always! Great comments!
Hi Doc
You have given me great wisdom, with your teaching.
I Got the System,
Love hearing you.
Thanks for making my life better.
Thank YOU for the support.
Doc, You’re just brilliant !! .. I have bought your book a long time ago. I wish I had gotten it, even before that, cause everything you say is just spot on! I got hurt very badly and it was because I did everything you said what NOT to do. Now, I practice what you teach, and I actually have fun with it… I now analyse what I do and see what the response is from the girl. Your teachings are perfect. And those who second guess you, or even question your beliefs will never succeed. Im not saying questioning is bad, but what you say is just plain common sense. The problem is that we all don’t realize it until it is said to us… I read your emails every time I get one in my inBox and look forward to them. Im glad we have you on our side, cause the dangerous beautiful women, would be taking us all for a hard painful ride! Here Here to You Doc !!
Zak,
Very kind of you – thanks for being a https://www.doclove.com/system student! I appreciate you.
I totally agree with you Doc. Human nature has not changed, even in the New Millennium. Statistics confirm this fact; the media just ignore them. They’re “old time values”for a reason. They’ve withstood the test of TIME.
Indeed! Thank you for your support and weighing in.
Hey Doc, I bought The System and used it to find a great woman at the time and she responded to Confidence, Self-Control, Challenge, Respect, Romance and Affection perfectly. Then, over time we got married and had a daughter together (we were together 7 years). After 5 years, she started to have mental problems (doctor diagnosed neurons in her brain not firing properly) and became a different person that was no longer interested in Challenge because of how her friends and sister dominated/controlled their boyfriends and husbands. This threw me for a loop, because she tried to dominate and control me also, but couldn’t so she divorced me. After 1 year of being divorced she tried to come back and work things out with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to try with her again because of all of tge hurtful things she said to me, she was not the same person that I initially met and loved, even though I really do love my daughter. Overall, in my opinion The System does in fact work to an extent; however, nothing can account for mental illness that may occur, how a person will grow, change what they want or develop over time. As a side note, I used The System again and started dating another great woman, but I am extra cautious and really worried about getting married again because anything can happen to cause a divorce (it may not even be your fault).
Thanks for writing – we answered you in this show: https://docloveclub.com/doc-love-club-july-31-2019/ (requires a Doc Love Club Membership – but it’s completely worth it and we have a free sample week at http://www.docloveclub.com)