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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Contrary to what you might think/read/feel my dating relationship education course called THE SYSTEM is not a pickup book nor is it a method to roll a conquest game on every woman you run across. It is actually a coaching book designed to make you a better man - the type of man she wants to keep for the long haul - the type of man that is capable of being in a long-term relationship with a good woman. Here are some things you should never want women for:
*One-night stands
*A way to stop being lonely
*Completing your life (thanks for putting that stupid concept out there "Jerry Maguire")
*Increasing your status among friends, family, co-workers, etc.
Before you think I'm this naive guy not living in the real world (because what guy doesn't like one-night stands or the feeling he gets when his friends say 'your lady is smoking hot') please realize that it is not me being out-of- touch but me understanding how ultimately things work in the real world and how the wrong reasons lead to the wrong results in most cases.
WRONG REASONS = WRONG RESULTS
I've studied all the great thinkers on human nature - Robert Greene, Machiavelli, Eric Hoffer, Mark Twain (and more) and I can tell you that ultimately, yes, we do things because of selfish reasons - self-interest if you will - so I do understand that the whole component of being in a long-term relationship with a woman does have elements from our more base emotions in it.
However, what I'm talking about is your END GAME. If you keep pursuing one-night stands then all you do is become that rat on a wheel continuing to run faster with no destination - because ultimately that "pleasure" need has to be scratched over and over and over and over again - it's never going to be enough - it's always onto the next conquest.
I don't know any "player" that's truly happy and generally they become bitter when younger, faster, stronger "players" replace them in the game.
As far as not being lonely or having her "complete you," one of the most unattractive quality thousands of women have told me they find in a man is NEEDINESS.
How are you ever going to be in a good relationship with her when you can't even exist in your own skin unless she's there? Are you going to be joined at the hip when you get her? Is your life that empty that only she can save you from your miserable existence?
You better find a way to be okay with you because we all come into this world alone and we leave it alone - and it is NOT having her or not having her that makes you unhappy but it's YOU that makes YOU unhappy because you control your thoughts.
Status increase? Dumb.
Remember everyone comes at things from their own self-interest and whatever "compliments" you get by being with her (outside of possibly mom, dad or your grandpappy/mommy) is going to be either false praise or veiled (or not so veiled) envy/jealousy.
We always get in trouble when we think we "need to keep up with the Joneses" - in your case you want to have the beautiful brunette on your arm because that means you arrived in whatever false world you think you need to be in.
THOUSANDS OF MEN CHANGED THEIR LIVES WITH THE SYSTEM
Are you next?
Remember guys, wanting women for all the wrong reasons will never get you the happiness you think it will.
JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!
I think a “System 2.0” is in order, Doc. It would be about general life advice…because if you don’t have your life and your head in order, you won’t succeed in relationships either.
As I’ve written before, a lot of your audience are probably guys whose lives are in shambles, and the concept of finding a “flexible giver” or “challenge” mean nothing to them because they’re emotionally immature and have no concept of these things. It’s no shock that so many of the guys who write in fail to successfully use your principles–they can barely take care of THEMSELVES, so how do you expect they’ll succeed in a relationship?
“System 2.0” Doc. I’m serious.
I appreciate the thoughts SP – it’s a good idea. Right now all my energy is going into http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com and http://www.docloveclub.com but at some point I will definitely consider this.
Thanks again
I second this idea — to get specific, this second version should talk about the joys of being a man and also proper relations with other men. For example, how to negotiate, congratulate your fellow man, how to avoid confrontation but save face, how to become a righteous leader who inspires others to be great through his manliness. Deeper discussions should also take place — for example, for times men get low, how can they cope? What hobbies can they pursue? What of the man who strives to be a gentleman but is plagued with pride? He wants to better himself
But is too uptight for change — he is too proud to speak to his fellow man for guidance. Anectotal stories would also be very helpful to provide real world, lasting perspective
Hi Forza – I appreciate you writing as always – the effort right now is going into making the http://www.docloveclub.com as top-notch as it can be – but I will definitely keep what you say in mind. Thank you again.
Incredible but I was that wrong type of man! For me, been successful with women was making eye-contact, smiled, approach, talked and make out with hers on the same night. Sometimes I even make out with two to three women on the same night. I was on my 18 to 21 one years old and was insecure of asking them to a date because I didn’t have money. My dad was broke and I was just starting university, so at that phase of my life I focused mostly on my career as an architect but sometimes went out to party and for me that was a way to be successful (WRONG!) The girls were on the 18 to 21 years old, so I skipped some trouble because girls really changed their mind so quickly at that age. Some gave me their cell phone but I almost never called them back. THE SYSTEM has changed me for good. Now I use the practice in approaching women but this time I talk (positive) to them for a while, ask them for the phone number, wait five to nine days, called them, set the date, have a fun night, get a tap on the shoulder and start from there. I finished my career and I have a good job, so I definitely have a lot more confidence now and the girls know them. They really sense everything.
Thanks Doc!
I have a first date tomorrow with a girl that I asked out to dinner, she picked the place but I don’t know much about that location, would it be proper to change the place?
Hi Ed,
Thanks for the great feedback! Remember the environment can be a BLOCKER and you should always pick a place you are 100% comfortable with so that you get no curveballs – but you’re stuck now – you just have to roll along with it now. I would scout it out before the date though so you know where to sit, the layout, etc.
I appreciate you writing!
Hey Doc,
Back to the first comment. I have tought of an updated System. Well, not a completely new book, but some new chapters. Things like facebook, social media, the mobile phones, texting and so on. It is funny how more often girls are insecure and they hide behind electronic devices and less and less they give their numbers.
The reality is that things change and times change. I agree with principles but like in everything in life, you must adapt.
Thanks and keep up the good work.
Zarko
Thanks Zarko – I appreciate it. I suggest joining http://www.docloveclub.com to any guy looking for the most updated material as we discuss all the current things weekly on the radio show. Again, thanks for writing
You have to like things to do to get busy. I love the gym and i like being in shape
It motivates me to lift weights and i do it 3 times a week religiously. And take some other courses as well. Ex: Dancing classes. At least 2 activities on a regular basis.
When you get busy with stuff you like a lot and to top it off dating women online. Then you wont be needy with women. You will be looking forward to seeing the one you like when you make time for her. In fact i want to avoid needy women because they will try to prevent me from doing things i like. In my opinion finding things that you like is the way to go. If its just work and then eat and sleep and women forget it you might find yourself depending too much on women. If you get depressed like i was get busy it will go away but fast. The gym helps a lot. When you transform your physique let me tell you, you feel amazing.
Nick,
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Doc I’m 20 years young and the wisdom in this post will save me SO much time and energy (and money) going after things for the wrong reasons. Thank you and I would love to purchase a book from you for general life advice/wisdom. God bless.
Dylan,
Thanks for writing – I appreciate it.
If you want wisdom you should first and foremost get THE SYSTEM at https://www.doclove.com and then Mastery I-IV – you should also join http://www.docloveclub.com while you’re doing all that and then after that read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson and anything by Jim Rohn.
Do all that and really absorb what all of us are telling you and I’ll guarantee your mindset will be much different and you’ll be set up better than most for success.
Good luck.
Doc Love. More great advice. I believe what you say when us men shouldn’t want a woman for the wrong reasons and one thing I keep in mind is to keep others (a woman I am pursuing, in this case) interests before mine, but in doing so I’ve fallen into the trap of becoming needy. I.e. I will text/call back immediately, ‘Like’ pictures on social media, and start making myself too available. I am slowly, but surely learning self-control and not take women personally as you’ve said and keeping busy with activities, but I have so much to learn and do to not become needy.
Hi Ray,
Thanks for writing – remember this stuff is just like the gym – you didn’t start out benching 250 or swimming a mile or running 5 miles but each day you kept at it built things for you. The fact is you RECOGNIZE where you need help and you are improving. Also, don’t forget you can call me weekly at http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com or write here – I’m here for you to coach you.
I appreciate your comments.
If you browse internet forums, 90% of the guys who post are in or have been in therapy. They may have had a bad childhood and were bullied, or maybe their parents didn’t know how to teach them to be strong and independent, or maybe they’re just predisposed to depression. And sadly, the vast majority of the time therapists aren’t able to help these guys. So these guys bounce from therapist to therapist and never get any better because therapists themselves might not know what to do either.
I think we’ve entered a new age where online dating advice–from the RIGHT people–can be MORE useful sometimes than scientifically backed therapy. It’s hard for me to accept that I’m typing this, but it’s true. And here’s why I think it’s true: therapists often aren’t able to reconcile for (straight) men the VERY common link between feeling depressed in general and doing poorly with attracting and keeping women. Therapists aren’t “relationship experts” and can’t really see things from that angle. And yet an enormous amount of guys go to therapists because they got rejected by a girl they’ve been infatuated with, or because they can’t attract women, or their marriage is falling apart.
I understand Doc is focusing on docloveclub.com at the moment, and that’s great. But I have a strong hunch a “System 2.0” would reconcile these two connected worlds of “doing better with women” + “doing better in life overall.” The System (original version) focuses on the first part of this, but men really need both parts to succeed. I suspect there’s a lot of guys who really want this book to happen, even if that’s not your focus right now, Doc.
SP,
Actually by joining the Doc Love Club they can get that System 2.0 you speak of because we talk a lot of self-improvement and also we answer their questions live on the air. THE SYSTEM is always something you should have but the breathing, living, application of THE SYSTEM happens weekly on the radio and it’s literally the most up-to-date material we have only because it’s fueled by what our callers want to know right now.
I hope this helps – and I thank you for your comments!
Gf and I broke up about a month ago because she felt I was suffocating her, too controlive, and she felt as if we argued more than anything. We are both early 20s and although she had many men, I was the first one she introduced to her family. Also went against her religion to date me.
We broke up a month ago, and a week after we met up, I gave her her stuff and we gained closure, and we started to make up, but then just parted ways. I then initiated NC for about two weeks. I texted her about this restaurant that I passed up that we use to eat at all the time. And ended the text with hope you’re well. She contacted me about 5 minutes later with don’t think we will be doing that anymore and I am doing well. Hope you’re well too. I responded with, If you change your mind you know my number.
Then she responded with, I deleted your numbers, and I don’t see us having a future together, don’t make this harder than it is.
I wanted to play it cool so I said. I get it, but understand this wasn’t a marriage proposal, just lunch. I understand if you delete my number, but I am glad you knew who it was right off the bat. Offer still stands and have a great night.
After that she didn’t reaspond, but I know she was with friends that night, and maybe felt strong, but do you think I should wait for a text and do NC again.
I was thinking about maybe doing the whole boom box outside her window trick, but I need help here. Please advise. This was my to he wife.
One chance per woman, per lifetime. You need to move onto another girl. That whole thing is a waste of time. Sorry guy, not trying to drive the bus over you but you’re much better off moving on. Read this article: https://doclove.com/2015/03/16/get-an-ex-girlfriend-back-3-reasons-its-a-bad-idea/
And get THE SYSTEM ASAP: https://www.doclove.com/system/