Hey Doc,

First of all, thanks for what you have been doing for us men. I have been a follower of your methods for some time now, I have “The System” and I know it works.

Right now I need some coaching about a major life event that will have many ramifications down the road. I just moved to Oregon from North Carolina to start a new job. And I simultaneously found out that Courtney, who I’d been casually dating in North Carolina, is pregnant.

Courtney and I had only been seeing each other for three months, but we did get along really well and
I thought we could make it in a long-term relationship. I had used Confidence, Control and Challenge and things worked well. Unfortunately, my job search took me to Oregon. When I found out that I was going to move from North Carolina I told Courtney we should just be friends. She wanted to continue being romantic at a distance, but I told her I don’t do long distance. When I left North Carolina I dated two other girls but didn’t really connect with them like I had with Courtney.

Then I found out the news about Courtney’s pregnancy, and my head has been spinning ever since.

Courtney wants to keep the child no matter what. My stress levels are through the roof, especially since I just started a new job. But I want to do the right thing. I don’t run away from things like this and I want to make it work with Courtney because I don’t want another man raising my child, and I do think we could make a future together. (She is a Flexible Giver and laughs at my corny jokes.) She has said that she has feelings for me and wants to pursue living near or with me when she graduates from school at the end of the year and have the child out here in Oregon.

Doc, should we get married? Should we wait? I’m not really sure what to do but I have mentioned to Courtney that I’ll support her, whatever happens.

I have always been spiritual and have been praying for guidance and relaxation. Thank you in advance for taking the time to digest this.

Dustin - who won’t get to enjoy his new life

Hi Dustin,

First of all, I want to thank you very much and commend you for having the ability and courage to SET YOUR EGO ASIDE and absorb my principles, which most men don’t.

That said, “The System” says that the later you have sex, the better. My friend, you didn’t abide by that rule, and that’s why you are in the fix you’re in right now. So while you might think you’re following my coaching, you didn’t actually listen 100% to what I told you to do.

It’s completely understandable that your head is spinning. Like my cousin General Love says, “You’re under the gun, soldier.” You’re starting a new job, you’ve got a girlfriend of only three months and you already have a child on the way. What you’re going to have to do is marry Courtney and move her out to Oregon. Just remember that lots of guys go through this, Dustin. You’re not the only dude who’s ever been faced with such heavy dilemmas. But you should be happy you have a job, and be happy that you have a girl.

It’s too bad that you only have three months in with Courtney. To you Psych majors, you should have at least a couple of years in with the girl before starting a family. Your future with Courtney would be much safer if you had more time in with her and you knew her far better. I don’t want the two of you to live together for an hour or two before getting divorced. And that’s the problem here – you two barely know each other. Ninety days is not very long to know anyone, let alone a girl you’re dating.

Nevertheless, you have to tell Courtney that you are going down to Kay Jewelers to get her a couple of rings. In this case, you’re going to do what she wants, my friend.

Yes, you should definitely get married. First, because you have a big responsibility here and we don’t want to have any kids out of wedlock even though in this case, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The kid will be on time but the wedding is going to be late.” And no, don’t wait. Get married now — the sooner the better. You want Courtney to relax. You don’t want her being a nervous wreck wondering if you’re going to bolt on her, especially since you’re living 3,000 miles away and she doesn’t know what you’re doing.

“Supporting” Courtney is not good enough in this situation, guy. Tell her you’re going to buy her some jewelry and that you’re going to marry her.

Dustin, you got yourself into this mess, so you’re not going to get any relaxation anytime soon. But you have a new job, and Courtney appears to be a good girl (though I don’t like the fact that you’ve known her for only three months). You have to do the right thing, which means marrying her.

Despite the tensions, you will enjoy your new life because you are going to welcome a baby. This is going to be a major change for you, but as you said, you’re a spiritual guy and you can handle it. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “It isn’t going to mean the end of the world.”

Remember, guys: the longer you wait to have sex, the better.