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If you make a WEAK play for a girl then expect a WEAK result.
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I’ve had a crush on Dalanie, who is in one of my college classes, for many months now. We’ve been swapping eye contact for a long time. She is what your book would refer to as a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. When I asked Dalanie her phone number so that we could text each other on our brand new Apple phones, she immediately gave it to me. After this short exchange, she sent me a text message not even two minutes later with her name and other contact information.
Okay, now here’s the juicy part. One of my close friends, who happened to be a witness in the background to this exchange between Dalanie and me, told me what I already suspected. “She seems very interested in you, man, and her body language and the fact that she was nervous and blushing are all good signs,” he said.
So with this information in mind, I did what “The System” said and waited five days to call Dalanie, with the intent of setting up a date to go to the local bowling alley on a weekday, Wednesday.
Unfortunately, Dalanie didn’t answer the phone and she hasn’t called back yet either. This leaves me completely baffled, considering that her Interest Level seemed very high when we ran into each other after class. Despite my failed effort at getting in touch with her, I still followed your book’s recommendation and DID NOT leave a voicemail or send Dalanie a text message after she did not return my phone call.
So, Doc, what do you think happened here? Did Dalanie not return my call because she’s a Beautiful Woman and can do without someone like me? Did my friend overestimate her Interest Level? What should I do now, if anything? I’d be interested in hearing any thoughts and advice you might have.
Sebastian - who is scratching his head
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Sebastian,
Now let me get this straight. You’ve had a crush on Dalanie for a long time. Why in the world didn’t you come right out and ask for her phone number?
To you Psych majors, when you have a crush on a girl, you’re supposed to ask for her phone number. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “What are you waiting for – some other guy to ask her out?” You say you’re getting eye contact from Dalanie and she’s sitting right in front of you in your college class, so why would you be procrastinating?
All you’re doing here is killing valuable time, dude!
You obviously have my book, Sebastian, but if you’ve read it thoroughly and memorized it, you should know that when a girl shows interest in you, you go right ahead and ask for her phone number. Go back to “The System,” guy — I say it no less than 50 times in those pages!
Another mistake was taking Dalanie’s number just to text back and forth over nothing.
Remember, you’re getting her number to ASK HER OUT, and texting for no purpose or just to chat is a no-no, if you’ve been listening to my DOC LOVE CLUB RADIO SHOW. When Dalanie responded with her name and contact information, you should have called her immediately. Big mistake here, Sebastian.
Your friend is very perceptive and he’s right about what he saw happen between you and Dalanie. HOWEVER, until you get to 10 to 12 dates with a girl, you don’t count anything. You have to see high Interest Level for at least 10 dates before you can really know what’s what with a girl.
I see that you have the older edition of my book, Sebastian. There’s been a slight modification to “The System” in the latest, updated edition. The new rule is this: when you call for a date, if she doesn’t pick up you leave a message in which you say your name and phone number TWICE and SLOWLY. If the girl doesn’t call you back, you wait one week and you do the same thing again. If she doesn’t call you back then, you chuck her number.
What went wrong here? Well, Dalanie had initial Interest Level in you, but not enough to call you back. You tell me that you’re in college, which means that Dalanie is in the 18 to 22 age range. I talk about that in “The System” as well. It most likely means that she’s not ready for a long-term relationship (like many guys in that age range). Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “At that age, they fall in and out of love every five minutes.” If she’s Beautiful to boot, your problems with her fickleness are compounded. When it comes to men this honey has the attention span of a fly.
It’s not because Dalanie can do without someone like you that she didn’t call you back, Sebastian. It’s that she’s not interested in you. WHEN A BABE IS INTERESTED IN YOU, SHE WILL RETURN YOUR CALL. When she’s not interested in you, she will not return your call. It’s that simple. This is very complicated stuff, buddy!
No, your friend did not overestimate Dalanie’s Interest Level – at least for what he witnessed at the time. But again, you must see NO RED FLAGS FOR AT LEAST 10 DATES before you jump to any conclusions about a girl. Then and only then can you allow yourself to believe that she has genuinely high interest. That’s the only time you can legitimately evaluate her Interest Level.
What should you do now? Call Dalanie up, leave her one more message, and if she doesn’t return your call, delete the number from your phone. When you see her in class, smile at her, laugh, and act as if the entire thing never happened.
Remember, guys: if she can’t return a phone call, you don’t have a chance with her.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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Hi Doc,
I’m confused by your comment in response to Sebastian:
When Dalanie responded with her name and contact information, you should have called her immediately. Big mistake here, Sebastian.
Like him, I thought The System says to wait 5-9 days before you call her, to let Challenge work on her. Could you please clarify?
Thanks, Denny
Hi Denny,
This was a clean up case – he should have controlled everything by HIM asking for the # and then he could have waited 5-9 days but once he got INCOMING from her – even though he had messed things up he should have just taken the date and then worked the 5-9 days from there but I see what you’re saying for sure. Things always get messed up in “clean up cases”
Thanks for writing
Hi Doc,
Thank you for mentoring us guys. I was surprised you told him that he should have called her immediately for a date after she texted him with her info. I now understand this to be considered ‘incoming’. Thanks Doc for the clarification.
Have a happy New Year!
Thanks for writing! Happy New Year to you!!!
Doc:
When she gave him her contact info, he was NOT supposed to wait 5 days to call “that was incoming and high IL at the time”……..5 date rule is only AFTER the date……..in this case, he never had one! She lost interest in him due to him making her wait 5 days. Challenge does NOT begin till AFTER the date!
Brian
PS: I have the system “original version” and listen to your show and read your articles! Happy Holidays!!
Hi Brian – thanks for writing and thanks for investing in THE SYSTEM and also the show and articles! I appreciate you writing and Merry Christmas / Happy New Year to you!
Previously didn’t know that challenge starts ONLY after the first date. Doc Love never said that in his very early articles. I have been a student since he first started writing the articles and I have the System. I do notice that he really bashes Challenge in the head repeatedly not even mentioning to get her on a date first and take incoming interest right away before using Challenge.
The thing is if you bash our head repeatedly with Challenge we’d assume that you want us to shove Challenge in a woman’s face. This is where Doc should adjust his tone and not scold us about Challenge until after the date.
Thanks for writing – CHALLENGE is important but it’s also important to think on your feet. I wish you could just follow THE SYSTEM like it’s a paint by numbers thing and then have your work hang in a museum but it doesn’t operate like that. You see, THE SYSTEM is a GUIDEPOST to expose you to new ideas and a new way of thinking but it is NOT something you should do by rote. For example, say she asks you out in the middle of a date and really wants to see you next week. Do you respond like a robot and say “No, can’t see you – busy” and then call her 5-9 days later? No – you take the incoming – SOMETIMES — there might be another time when you don’t take it if she doesn’t give you enough notice or you are busy (but you COUNTEROFFER her).
The point is that you have to THINK FOR YOURSELF with THE SYSTEM as a guidepost instead of a dogmatic rule book.
The bottom line is you want to get a GREAT GIRL to fall in love with you – so you must INTERNALIZE THE SYSTEM so being a GENTLEMAN is NATURAL to you – that’s what will make her fall in love. She’s not falling in love because you waited 6 days instead of 4.5 days. I hate to tell you but it’s not as easy as memorizing a set of rules but it’s literally changing yourself into a man that can respect himself and be respected by women because of WHO YOU ARE.
I hope this helps.
Hey Doc. So I have recentky invested in the system and i’m on my 4th read but wanted to ask you this.
So I had a great first date with this lady. We laughed, talked (although I acknowledge I may have talked too much – (a mistake according to the system) she said she found be very funny (she was always laughing) and there were even buying signs like her touching my arm. The next day, I went on holiday for a week and when I returned I called her but she didn’t answer. And she didn’t return my call either. Now, in order to create challenge I haven’t called her. It’s now a week to the day. Do I call her? Is it too late? Am I out the game? Ps: I’m not sure if this is indicative of anything but since our first date and to this day, she is always the first one to watch my snapchat stories. So again to create challenge I have been deliberately showing myself out on dates/parties and events to demonstrate I have a life outside of her. But I keep thinking about her. Again – Am I out the game with her? Does she have low interest levels not answering my call a week after our amazing first date? And worse still, is she totally not interested by not returning my call?
Help – I’m confused
Hi Martin – unfortunately it happens where you have a great first date and then can’t reconcile why she’s not all over you for a 2nd date but your story is a perfect illustration of why we don’t count anything until you get to 10-12 dates.
The process is wait 5-9 days to call after a date and if she doesn’t answer then leave your number 2x slowly. If she doesn’t get back to you wait another week and try the same thing again (although 99% of the time you’re out – you won’t get a call back even after leaving a 2nd message).
It sounds to me like she’s not interested.
Finally, allowing women to see your activities on social media is never a good idea – it’s ANTI-CHALLENGE. I think you should call the show on Wednesday (get the #’s/time here: http://www.datingwomenradioshow.com ) so I can further coach you.