10 Dating Women Advice: Weak Dating Approach = Weak Results
WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
If you make a WEAK play for a girl then expect a WEAK result.
Read on...
READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I’ve had a crush on Dalanie, who is in one of my college classes, for many months now. We’ve been swapping eye contact for a long time. She is what your book would refer to as a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. When I asked Dalanie her phone number so that we could text each other on our brand new Apple phones, she immediately gave it to me. After this short exchange, she sent me a text message not even two minutes later with her name and other contact information.
Okay, now here’s the juicy part. One of my close friends, who happened to be a witness in the background to this exchange between Dalanie and me, told me what I already suspected. “She seems very interested in you, man, and her body language and the fact that she was nervous and blushing are all good signs,” he said.
So with this information in mind, I did what “The System” said and waited five days to call Dalanie, with the intent of setting up a date to go to the local bowling alley on a weekday, Wednesday.
Unfortunately, Dalanie didn’t answer the phone and she hasn’t called back yet either. This leaves me completely baffled, considering that her Interest Level seemed very high when we ran into each other after class. Despite my failed effort at getting in touch with her, I still followed your book’s recommendation and DID NOT leave a voicemail or send Dalanie a text message after she did not return my phone call.
So, Doc, what do you think happened here? Did Dalanie not return my call because she’s a Beautiful Woman and can do without someone like me? Did my friend overestimate her Interest Level? What should I do now, if anything? I’d be interested in hearing any thoughts and advice you might have.
Sebastian - who is scratching his head
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Sebastian,
Now let me get this straight. You’ve had a crush on Dalanie for a long time. Why in the world didn’t you come right out and ask for her phone number?
To you Psych majors, when you have a crush on a girl, you’re supposed to ask for her phone number. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “What are you waiting for – some other guy to ask her out?” You say you’re getting eye contact from Dalanie and she’s sitting right in front of you in your college class, so why would you be procrastinating?
All you’re doing here is killing valuable time, dude!
You obviously have my book, Sebastian, but if you’ve read it thoroughly and memorized it, you should know that when a girl shows interest in you, you go right ahead and ask for her phone number. Go back to “The System,” guy — I say it no less than 50 times in those pages!
Another mistake was taking Dalanie’s number just to text back and forth over nothing.
Remember, you’re getting her number to ASK HER OUT, and texting for no purpose or just to chat is a no-no, if you’ve been listening to my DOC LOVE CLUB RADIO SHOW. When Dalanie responded with her name and contact information, you should have called her immediately. Big mistake here, Sebastian.
Your friend is very perceptive and he’s right about what he saw happen between you and Dalanie. HOWEVER, until you get to 10 to 12 dates with a girl, you don’t count anything. You have to see high Interest Level for at least 10 dates before you can really know what’s what with a girl.
I see that you have the older edition of my book, Sebastian. There’s been a slight modification to “The System” in the latest, updated edition. The new rule is this: when you call for a date, if she doesn’t pick up you leave a message in which you say your name and phone number TWICE and SLOWLY. If the girl doesn’t call you back, you wait one week and you do the same thing again. If she doesn’t call you back then, you chuck her number.
What went wrong here? Well, Dalanie had initial Interest Level in you, but not enough to call you back. You tell me that you’re in college, which means that Dalanie is in the 18 to 22 age range. I talk about that in “The System” as well. It most likely means that she’s not ready for a long-term relationship (like many guys in that age range). Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “At that age, they fall in and out of love every five minutes.” If she’s Beautiful to boot, your problems with her fickleness are compounded. When it comes to men this honey has the attention span of a fly.
It’s not because Dalanie can do without someone like you that she didn’t call you back, Sebastian. It’s that she’s not interested in you. WHEN A BABE IS INTERESTED IN YOU, SHE WILL RETURN YOUR CALL. When she’s not interested in you, she will not return your call. It’s that simple. This is very complicated stuff, buddy!
No, your friend did not overestimate Dalanie’s Interest Level – at least for what he witnessed at the time. But again, you must see NO RED FLAGS FOR AT LEAST 10 DATES before you jump to any conclusions about a girl. Then and only then can you allow yourself to believe that she has genuinely high interest. That’s the only time you can legitimately evaluate her Interest Level.
What should you do now? Call Dalanie up, leave her one more message, and if she doesn’t return your call, delete the number from your phone. When you see her in class, smile at her, laugh, and act as if the entire thing never happened.
Remember, guys: if she can’t return a phone call, you don’t have a chance with her.
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