Hey Doc,

I’m 28 and Riley’s 21. We’re both studying to be professional nurses. We did a lot of coursework and projects together. She began flirting with me and told me that she really enjoyed my company.

After our latest exam she started texting me a lot. I reciprocated by flirting with her on the phone and at school. Then I found out that she has a boyfriend. I said “Why are you flirting with me when you have a boyfriend?” She replied that it was nothing. I know I should have dropped her right then and there and moved on. But sure enough she told me that she and her boyfriend were having problems and she would like to leave him as soon as possible.

We started saying “I love you” to each other. I gave her a box of chocolates and a card with love poems and she was really happy. She thanked me because the chocolates helped her ease the anger she felt for her boyfriend after they had an argument. The following week I invited everyone in class to a get-together at my house. I invited Riley, but she said she couldn’t make it because she was hanging with her boyfriend that day. Later she called and said that she could go because they had a fight the night before. She came over with a girlfriend early and we made out a bit.

Over the next couple of weeks her actions changed. Her phone calls and texts dwindled to nothing.

When I asked her if she had broken with her boyfriend, she said she tried but that he started crying and she couldn’t do it.

She said we should just be special friends. I was sad but kind of relieved because I thought we would be together in the long run. At the next class get-together at my house she told me that she chose her boyfriend over me. But since then she has begun flirting with me again when she breaks up with her boyfriend. This has become an endless cycle, with me lending Riley support.

Recently Riley told me that she doesn’t want any more boyfriends. I’ve tried calling her but she won’t pick up. I thought of withdrawing, but don’t want her to think I don’t care. My question is this: should I be there as a friend? How can I show more support and let her know I really care for her? Should I just let her go? I am not even thinking of being with her as a boyfriend. Right now being a friend to Riley is the most important thing. I am just afraid to lose her.

Beef - who doesn’t know how to handle it

Hi Beef,

Riley has a boyfriend? STOP RIGHT HERE. As soon as you found out she had a boyfriend, you should have asked her if she has a girlfriend for you. Because this girl is NOT AVAILABLE. Until that other guy is gone, you shouldn’t do anything whatsoever with Riley, including flirting. All you should do is be friendly with her in class. PERIOD.

Another thing: this girl is only 21 and you’re 28. You should have a girl who’s 24, or 25, or 26 or older.

Riley is too young for you. She’s not grown up yet.

Riley might have told you that flirting with you was nothing, but she’s not being truthful. It was something. She’s being DISLOYAL to her boyfriend. That’s not good and says something about her character. But you finally saw the light when you realized that you should have dropped her then and there. On the other hand, she’s good-looking and she flirts with you so you don’t have the ability to say no to her because you have no Self-Control or discipline and you don’t have my materials. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This girl is gonna make a fool out of you.”

Now wait a minute here. You’re saying “I love you” to a girl who has a boyfriend? Wow, Beef – you know a ton about women, don’t you? Then you went and gave love poems and chocolates to that same girl, who happens to have a boyfriend. You might have made Riley feel better by giving her chocolates, but she would really feel better if she got rid of that guy! Don’t you see that?

It was a mistake to...

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