Hey Doc,

After being in a five-year relationship and being dumped after my ex lied and cheated, some of my buddies suggested online dating, so I gave it a shot. Although I’ve not been very successful, I did manage to meet one person.

Tara and I began to talk everyday, on the phone and on Skype and I would get good morning text messages EVERY morning. She’s one of those girls who likes to talk every day. Over the next two months we talked about basically everything under the sun, which pleased her because she verbalized her comfort level with me, how she could see us together, how I was different from the other guys she has dated, and how she really wanted to meet me when I got home from college.

Our first meeting was at a bar with her friend and some random guy her friend had met. It was awkward because Tara seemed more interested in everything but me. We danced a little, but she never wanted to sit down and talk (which I saw as a Red Flag). When I got home that night she sent me a text apologizing for her attitude and said that she really wanted to see me again.

The next week I tried to set up a date for Thursday, to which Tara agreed. She flaked on the date because she wanted to shop for a going- away present for a friend. I said how about tomorrow and she said yes. Later that day she said she couldn’t because the going-away party was going to be mostly people from her school, to which I replied, “What does that have to do with me seeing you?”

I was perturbed and sent her a text outlining that her words were counter to her actions and behavior towards me. Then she told me that she was moving four hours away and said “I don’t want to do long distance and I didn’t know how to tell you, so let’s just be friends.” Doc, this is after we talked daily ad nauseum!

I was ready to write Tara off. We didn’t speak for two days. I felt pretty bad not because of her reluctance to be honest, but because I actually missed talking to her every day. I also didn’t want to be like a lot of the other men in her life and just disappear because things weren’t going my way. I relayed this to Tara and she still wanted to talk. However, the good morning texts have all but stopped and it seems as if I am putting more effort than it’s worth into this girl. It’s as if she’s pushing me further and further away, but it’s weird because she displayed and verbalized feelings for me at the beginning and has now just turned it off.

Should I keep in contact with Tara? Should I pull back and see how she responds? How long should I wait? I am kind of at a loss because I was developing feelings for her as well. I recently purchased your book after talking with a friend who recommended it, but have not received it yet.

Gerald - who is severely confused about the whole thing

Hi Gerald,

First of all, the telephone is to get the date, not to yak away before the date. You absolutely butchered Challenge when you did all this talking with Tara, and moreover, you couldn’t see her body language, which put you a major disadvantage.

Dude, all girls like to talk every day! But “The System” guy DOESN’T talk every day. He sets up the date and he talks with the girl on the date. He doesn’t spend all kinds of time conversing with her until then because he realizes the importance of body language.

So Tara told you that she could see you two together, but she’s never even set eyes on you and had a single date with you? Think about that. It makes no sense, Gerald!

When she finally met you and seemed interested in everything but you, it meant YOU WERE OUT FOREVER. It means you flunked the PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TEST. And that’s one more reason to stay off the phone. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Whatever happens on the phone can be very misleading.”

But after this fiasco at the bar, Tara told you that she wanted to see you again. As the old cowboy saying goes, “Beware of women who..."

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