Hey Doc,

I’ve been dating Sasha for about a month. She’s about to go away for a week, so we made plans for a date before she left. I texted her saying that I would pick her up at 3, she texted back that she had class until 6 and then was meeting a girlfriend at 9 and had to get up at 7 the next morning so she’d have to be asleep early. Assuming this was a brush off, or a sign of supreme flakiness, I responded, “Well it sounds like you have plans, so let’s reschedule.”

She responded, “No, I won’t be back until next Friday.” So I responded “Well, if you don’t get out of class until 6 and you’re meeting your friend at 9 and you have to be up at 7, I don’t really see how we can meet up.” She said, “Well we have three hours, plus if you want you should come with me and my friend at 9 when we go out. Why are you being difficult?” Now let me point out that there isn’t really three hours. If Sasha gets out of class at 6 it will take until 7 for her to get anywhere to meet me and if she has to meet someone at 9 we’ll have to part ways around 8, and the idea of being with girls having a drink together at 9 sounds like being in Hell to me.

So I texted back, “I’m not being difficult. If you want to come over after class that would be cool. I had something planned for our date but that’s okay. I can make you dinner instead.” (I was going to cook her mussels and pasta and then drive her to the beach.) Well, she didn’t like my idea. She apparently wanted a different kind of date, and she said, “So basically I should come over so we can just make out – great!” At this point I tried to call her, and left a message asking her to call me so we don’t argue by text message. She texted back, “No, I’m stressed and tired I will give you a call when I get back to town.”

I responded with, “That’s fine, I’ll talk to you then,” to which she responded, “You’re not supposed to say it’s fine! That makes me think you don’t want to see me. I’m being cranky but you’re acting like you don’t want to see me!”

I didn’t respond, because honestly I don’t know what to say. From my perspective she changed our plans, then got mad when I said that was fine and we could reschedule, then got mad when I asked her to come over, then wouldn’t take my call, then got mad when I said it was okay not to call, then got mad when I said to call. What’s up with this?

Seb - who is confused as hell

Hi Seb,

First of all, this girl is NOT organized. It doesn’t mean that she necessarily has low Interest Level in you, but she’s one of those people who tries to cram too many things into a small amount of time. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This babe likes to over-book herself.” Throw in the fact that she was leaving town for a week and it’s obvious that she can’t handle everything that’s on her plate.

Now, when Sasha told you that she had three hours in which to see you, she really only had a half-hour. The fact that she refused to see it any other way tells you that Sasha is really STRUCTURED. And you know what “The System” has to say about structured women. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Forget about ever getting her to see it your way.”

When Sasha said you were being difficult, she was really putting you down. And by being so hardheaded, she showed that she’s not... 

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