Dating Women Advice: Will Brad Have A Tough Time Getting Over Angelina?
WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
Outside of cheating on him and threatening to kill him, she was perfect! You can't believe that he was with her...
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,I’m from El Salvador, 28, an engineer, and I got hold of “The System” after reading your columns for the past eight years. It is now my Bible.
I met Luciana two years ago when we worked at the same company. She’s very attractive and at that time she was just out of a two-year relationship with a whack-job. To give you some insight about her, she was six when a man tried to kill her mother, and her father died shortly afterwards. I looked the other way in terms of her baggage and decided to take a shot with her. Everything was good at the beginning of the relationship until I discovered a little over a month later that she was having a relationship with the guy who was remodeling her kitchen. It really got me. I terminated the relationship because I remembered your words about Loyalty.
Needless to say, I was weak and took her back, which led to a relationship of over a year, which was good at times. I was skeptical about Luciana because of that first incident and also the fact that I had the impression she was a nut-case. She told me once that she was going to kill me, she hit me, and she used to show up to my house without notice. All of this made me think of her as erratic. I also spent a lot of money on her. For instance, I paid for her college tuition, the cremation of her cat, etc. I felt like her father sometimes.
Anyway, we broke up (I dumped her) a few months ago and since then she has texted me at least once a month. She has a new boyfriend now, but to my surprise she wants to know “how I’m doing” and tells me that she doesn’t love her new turkey. I’ve erased her number and asked her to never communicate with me again. I know this new guy is her rebound but I’m conflicted by two voices: one tells me to get new phone numbers and the other tells me that Luciana is the love of my life. I know that I did the right thing by dumping this loony but it hurts like crazy and a little coaching will be much appreciated. Should I be thankful she has a new turkey whose life she’s going to screw up?
Juan - who’s having trouble getting over her
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
I appreciate your compliment and the comparison of “The System” to the Bible, the bestselling book of all time, but after reading two to four columns you should have bought my book. How can you read my columns for eight years and wait that long to go directly to the source? If you’d gotten my book after you read just a few of my columns, you wouldn’t be writing me right now.
Remember that Luciana picked the whack-job she had before you. What does that say about her and her values? That said, I’m very sorry for her terrible past and background. This is what we refer to as SCARS in “The System” under the heading of SCARS AND BAGGAGE. Sadly, you have to pass on a woman like Luciana, because after they get into a romantic relationship, they take out all of their unresolved issues on the guy they love, ironically. If she had any brains, she would have realized that she went out with jerks, but this new guy – you – is treating her well. But it didn’t even enter her mind on account of those unresolved issues and Scars.
Now let me get this straight. Luciana said she loved you, but when the tool belt came along, she was all over him? Nice! But you remembered my words about LOYALTY, so at that point you got rid of her as you should have and you were doing great. The problem however, is that 90% of men go back for more torture – were you going to be one of them?
Yes, you were, Juan. And you swear that your relationship was good at times. At times? It’s supposed to be good ALL THE TIME, not just some of the time, buddy!
Of course Luciana’s a nut-case. You are a very, very sharp guy, Juan, but you’re being run by your emotions. That means your Interest Level is 100%, which is way too high. It should be 80% to 89%, that way you can still the forest through the trees. So even though you read eight years’ worth of columns, and you’ve studied my book, you’re NOT going by it. And that’s the real moment of truth: do you have the guts to stay away when you know you have a whacko on your hands?
When Luciana said that she was going to murder you and she showed up at your place without letting you know, you should have gotten...
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