Hey Doc,

I met Blair at college. For a couple of years we were friends and talked every now and then. Both of us were in relationships at the time. Now we’re both single, so I got her number and asked her out.

I went for the kiss on the second date. Blair stopped me and asked whether I would rather have a hug or a kiss. I said a kiss. So I got a small kiss on the lips. Just for your information, she did not touch me during the date and there wasn’t much laughter, so I wanted to test her Interest Level.

On our third date I got two major Red Flags. When we went out for dinner (which was her counter-offer to my original offer to go to the park), she showed up with a ton of books under her arm. I did not ask her why. Should I have? Midterms are not far off, so I rationalized and just ignored it.

Blair asked me a few questions and seemed generally interested in our conversation, but during dinner she took out her cellphone, and started browsing messages. I asked “Are you expecting a call,” and she said no. Then I asked, “Is someone you know in the emergency room?” She said no again, that she was checking to see if her friend wrote to her. Then she said she was just going to call her friend. While we were waiting for our food, she was on the phone making plans with her friend to go and study. I was annoyed, and after the call, I excused myself and hung out in the bathroom for 10 minutes rather than confronting her.

After our date, I took Blair to a local cafe where she had arranged to meet her friend. I didn’t really want to kiss her after this date, and we were in a public place so I didn’t even try.

Doc, should I have confronted Blair when she came to the restaurant with her books? When she called her friend should I have ended the date right there? Should I have kissed her anyway after the third date? Note: She laughed at one of three of my jokes, and she didn’t touch me on our second and third date.

Tate - who’s still green when it comes to girls

Hi Tate,

What you’re trying to do here is go from the friendship zone to the dating zone. The problem that you face is that they are two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ZONES. Blair might like you as a friend, but you have to wonder whether she just gave you her number because you were a friend and down deep she’s really not that interested in you.

When Blair asked you whether you would rather have a hug or a kiss, right then and there you were OUT. If was a good idea for you to test her Interest Level, but you should have taken the hug instead, then just written her off for good and it would have been your last date. The point is that when Blair threw you that curveball, it was indicative of her low Interest Level.
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No, you didn’t have to ask Blair about her books. When she brought them into the restaurant, it meant that she was going to go somewhere and study after your date. If she had opened a book and began reading in front of you at the table and not paid any attention to you, then you would have had a real problem!

As it was, she just happened to have something more important on her mind than you -- she couldn’t wait to go study with her friend. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She was just getting you to buy her a free dinner before she started burning the midnight oil.”