WHY ISN'T HIS WIFE INTIMATE ANY LONGER?
His wife doesn't seem to want him and he doesn't know why - but we do - read the article below and...
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*59: How to stop being "the nice guy"
*60: Can "friends with benefits" lead to a relationship?
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
I proposed to Eva and a month afterwards we found out that she was pregnant, so we pushed the wedding day ahead. We got married two months later because I have great medical insurance through work and it covers everything for pregnancy. Two months later Eva lost the desire for intimacy. I figured it was just pregnancy hormones, but she kept pushing me away. A few times I accused her of not loving me anymore but she would get highly agitated so I let the issue go.
Two months later, Eva told me that she loved me, but that she wasn’t in love with me. I asked if she wanted to go to marriage counseling, and she said it would be best to just wait it out because her problem was probably just hormones. So we carried on.
Now the baby is almost seven weeks old and things haven’t gotten any better. We also have money issues because Eva only works part time. She wants to get a different apartment because ours is too small, and I agree with her. But I just can’t afford anything else right now. Complicating matters is that
Eva lives an hour away from her parents and wants to be closer to them. This isn’t an ideal situation because of my job, which would be very difficult to replace. I told Eva that we could meet in the middle of this issue and move just a little closer to her parents. So far, no answer from her.
Doc, it just kills me living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed as Eva when I feel like we are a thousand miles away from each other. As a matter of fact, it feels like we are nothing more than roommates. We don’t talk. Her head is always lost in the TV or she’s on Facebook. Eva is not cheating, by the way. I went through her Facebook page and messages and didn’t see anything fishy. It just seems like I can’t do anything to please her anymore. It seems the harder I try the more I push her away. I don’t want to give up on my marriage, but it’s tough to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Is there a way to save this marriage?
Laszlo - who is just about to give up
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DOC LOVE'S ANSWER
Hi Laszlo:
When you say that Eva lost the desire for intimacy, it means that HER INTEREST LEVEL DROPPED BELOW 50%. Since you don’t have “The System,” you don’t know what I’m talking about, but this is how it works: when a woman’s interest is 51% to 100%, it’s positive, but when it’s 49% or less, it’s a disaster and you’re in desperate trouble. This is what your problem is. You went out with Eva, you got her to fall in love with you, but like most American males, you didn’t know how to keep her in love with you. So this is not a matter of “hormones,” it’s a matter of Interest Level, which you know nothing about.
You’re not handling your problems with Eva correctly. Instead of accusing her of anything, you should be withdrawing, and trying to rebuild your relationship. Hopefully her interest is still 51% to 55% and you can save it. I recommend that you get my book overnighted to you ASAP and don’t show it to Eva. Hopefully her interest is no lower than 51%, and you can coax it back up.
So, Eva told you that she wasn’t in love with you. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “I’d rather have a girl tell me that she hates my guts but that she’s still in love with me.” Dude, the second reason Eva doesn’t love you is hormones – the FIRST reason is low Interest Level.
The stupidest thing in the world for you to do right now would be to ...
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