Hey Doc,

I own “The System” and I read it quite often, mostly the parts I know are hard for me to follow, such as Self-Control and Challenge. I’m an engineer, 29, and I hold an MBA. I speak French, English and Spanish and have a nice income.

Anyway, I was able to get the attention of a beautiful 35-year-young divorced mom, Nico. Her son is eight and the only interaction he has with his father is the weekly pickup of the boy on the weekend. I dated Nico for two months, paid for meals, I was a Challenge and all was good. Then I got a job offer to assist with a three-year project in a Third World country. I accepted it, then went ahead and started my first period of work there and therefore entered a long-distance relationship with Nico.

At this point everything I did well with Nico at first went to hell since I was now involved in a long-distance relationship and it was hard for me to keep her interest up (which I know is the only thing that matters). I tried calling her once a week and texting her during the day so she knows I still care, but I realized it was a hard job. She has a small income, and I’m a Giver, so I decided to send her money to help a bit with her life. (I know I should only give money to my wife.) Nico is the kind of person who is moody and has a bad temper, and it’s her way or the highway. Based on the Dating Dictionary she fits the definition of a structured woman. We ended up breaking up after three months until I traveled back to America for my vacation, when she contacted me and of course I took her back.

When I returned to work we were constantly arguing on the phone over the smallest things. One day we got into a fight that escalated to the point where both of us lost it. We broke up again. I can’t help feeling like an idiot because I gave Nico over $1,100 in five months, paid for her travel to visit me, hotels, you name it. Right now I can hear all that money going straight down the toilet.

I realize that I’ve answered most of my questions and the only option is to get out and fast! It would be nice if you share this letter with others so they can see that the road to becoming what you coach in your book is full of pitfalls but it’s important to keep trying. I take “The System” as my Bible and have a lot of respect for your work. But here’s an important question: even though I knew I was doing many things wrong, why couldn’t I stop myself from doing them?

Larry - who couldn’t quite stay in control