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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
Hey Doc,
Let me first say that I donโt doubt your veracity and expertise as the greatest love doctor of all. However, recently, while surfing the web, I stumbled on another love doctor whose name I wonโt mention. He wrote an intriguing article on โconfident persistenceโ (Iโm sure youโve read it), and this is why Iโm writing you.
This other love doctor spoke of the idea that most women, upon meeting a guy, do not necessarily display extreme high interest, even if they are interested, and that they may also display your typical female distractions, i.e., date-breaking, unreturned phone calls, etc. I think of myself as a pretty smart young fellow and although I am a novice in the area of romance, his assessment struck a chord in me. The world today is lot busier and complicated than it used to be, and affairs of the heart and romance are not the highest priority on everyoneโs list anymore -- and this includes even men. Therefore, meeting someone new can either take second place to work and career or make us more wary of affairs of the heart.
So my question is this: should a guy โpersist with confidenceโ when heโs interested in a woman, even if she seems not all that focused on him at the start? Maybe sheโs just so busy that she canโt concentrate on the guy at first, but his continued attentions will bring her around. Make sense?
As much as I like and am compelled to follow your advice, I am also one who does not like to rule out the possibility of alternatives. (No one theory is foolproof!) I have just received the Dating Dictionary and am in the early stages of memorizing it. In time, you can even put me to the test to see if I am up to snuff. But now Iโm putting you to the test, Doc. If you are who you say you are, then the possibility of โdeviationsโ to your โSystemโ should be welcomed.
Thanks. Always a pleasure.
Gary - whoโs trying to make sense of it all
Have you checked out Doc's latest FREE video? This week's subject is A DATING RED FLAG TO AVOID. Check that video out and see what Doc had to say on the subject.
Hi Gary,
Thanks for the letter and your generous words. Now let me set you straight on a few things.
Itโs true, as your other love doctor says, that some women wonโt display extreme high interest when meeting a guy. Most, however, will display at least some buying signals if theyโre interested. But the point is this: youโve got a lot of work to do if the girlโs Interest Level is 55%, versus the 75% or 80% sheโll show you straight out of the chute if you happen to be a cover boy for Esquire magazine.
But where I disagree 100% with your other love doctor is on the subject of date-breaking. No girl with true positive Interest Level โ meaning 51% or higher -- is going to break a date. Because a broken date is all about low Interest Level, in other words, Interest Level below 50%.
So, Gary, we can agree on one point your other dating coach makes, but then on a crucial matter, heโs dead wrong. Thatโs why I tell you guys that until you have my stuff down cold, you shouldnโt be fooling around with quacks. They might have a decent idea here and there, Iโm not saying they donโt, but you canโt make a good decision about what to keep and what to discard because youโre not ready. And remember that their notions are just that, ideas, where on the other hand Iโve been in the trenches interviewing the real thing โ women -- for decades. Like my cousin Doctor Freud once said, โTheory is no substitute for practice.โ
You, a novice in the area of romance, Gary? Gosh, youโre kidding! I would never have known! Wow, you had me fooled! But seriously, the other love doctor struck a chord in you because you wanted to believe him. Itโs your ego reacting here, and as you guys know, you have to set your ego aside when it comes to the opposite sex. You might want to think that you can win Kate Upton over, but without the required Interest Level, itโs not happening. The Reality Factor says that once your ego is involved, you canโt see clearly, and thatโs because you want to see things your way.
The world might be busier and more complicated than it used to be, but so what? Two and two still equals four the last time I checked. So I dispute totally that romance is a lower priority in todayโs world. If a woman wants to get married and have babies, and if a guy is lonely and heโd do anything to get a womanโฆwell, think about what will happen. Between those two factors, romance and love is going to be a high priority.
The reason women donโt return phone calls is not because of their obsession with their careers. Itโs because of LOW INTEREST LEVEL. When a woman returns a call, she has HIGH INTEREST LEVEL. I know this is real hard for most guys to grasp, but itโs the truth. And thatโs what is great about the Bottom Line Factor โ all you have to do is bottom-line her actions.
If a woman doesnโt give you the time of day at the start, it depends on what you mean by โat the start.โ The simplest and most effective way to gauge Interest Level is to go up to her, get her name, make her laugh and then ask her the magic question: โCaprice, whatโs your phone number?โ Thatโs your display of confident persistence, and it stops right there.
Whether or not Caprice gives you or doesnโt give you the number doesnโt make a lick of difference. But it is the moment of truth, and you donโt need any more in the way of tactics or strategies to figure out where you stand. If Caprice coughs up some lame excuse, anything other than the seven digits you asked for, itโs โNice talking to you, Caprice.โ You smile, shake her hand, and walk off into the sunset.
So, should you show continued attentions to a girl who seems to be distracted? Gary, Gary, Gary. Golly, youโve got a long way to go. Letโs say thereโs a Victoriaโs Secret model standing right in front of me, but Iโm so busy and preoccupied with other business that she hardly registers on my radar screen, and I just canโt pay any attention to her. Uh, right. Does THAT make any sense?
Is any love doctor foolproof? In the immortal words of one of my best students, โDoc Love comes the closest!โ Guy, your letter tells me that youโre in the very, VERY early stages of memorizing the Dating Dictionary. If you want me to test you on what you know, get back to me in about seven years.
There are no deviations from โThe System.โ I call these little side issues the โadvanced class.โ For instance, there might be fine distinctions between the concepts of Confidence and Challenge, and these will be explored after the Dating Dictionary is already memorized. Youโll then get what I call puffs of wisdom from all your study and youโll know the right answer. So theyโre not deviations, dude. Letโs call them subsets of my rules.
Remember, guys: when they like you, they help you.
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