Stuck In The Friend Zone With His “Best Friend” – RUN, RUN, RUN!!!

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

I’ve been friends with a girl named Ghislaine for two years, and she is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. The problem: I’m madly in love with her and would marry her tomorrow if given the opportunity. Ghislaine and I went on one official “date” a few months after we met, but neither of us pursued anything more after that. She knows that I’ve had strong feelings for her at different times, although I think she’s unsure of how I currently feel because I just got out of a short relationship with another woman. My feelings for Ghislaine have always been stronger than her feelings for me; however, she has told me several times that she “thought” she had feelings for me beyond friendship and that she tells herself that she should be crazy about me.

About six months ago, we went out for dessert at a nice place. I walked her home, and I tried to kiss her. She initially asked me what I was doing, but then got very “wishy-washy” about it. She stuttered things like: “Well maybe….” “I don’t know if I can do this….” “Well, okay….” Eventually I just said “Have a good night and I’ll talk to you later” and I left. She later told me she wasn’t interested in me, and things were awkward between us for a while. So I don’t know about this.

Six months later, Ghislaine is still my best friend and I’m absolutely crazy about her. We do things that resemble a dating relationship all the time, but have nothing physically or officially. All the while Ghislaine casually dates other guys. What can I do to step this up beyond a friendship? I’m DEEP into the friend zone, but I think there’s some potential for attraction on her end – I just have to somehow spark it.

Thanks, Doc.

Nelson - who’s beyond frustrated

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here are the latest ones:

9/12/2023 - She's talking about other guys after dating him a few times???
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9/19/2023 - Pros and Cons of dating at work (Dating Women Radio Show Episode 8)

Hi Nelson,

Let me tell you something: when you’re in love with your friend, you shouldn’t even be seeing her. Because what’s going to happen if you keep seeing her is that you’re going to get frustrated -- nothing but frustrated. This whole thing is nothing but a waste of time. To boot, you’re always going to be beating your head against the wall, and every time Ghislaine mentions that she’s seeing another guy, you’re going to be dying on the inside. Like the old saying in sales goes, “If it’s too hot in the kitchen, get out!”

Nelson, let me ask you something. After your first date with Ghislaine, why didn’t you follow up with a second and third date? Your problem is that you’re not utilizing “The System.” MY BOOK IS A GAME PLAN IN WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A COMPLETE STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH A DATING RELATIONSHIP. You’ll go out on one date with a girl, then you’ll wait a week to go on a second date, then a third date and fourth date etc. On every step of the way you are going to have clear guidelines to follow and you won’t be confused by whatever gets thrown at you. And you’re going to continue following this tried and true method until the girl blows you off -- or she falls in love with you.

But Nelson, you have no game plan – you have no game, period. To you Psych majors; there will be no room for error if you follow my techniques.

So Ghislaine doesn’t know how you feel about her now. Nelson, what’s the matter with you? This babe should never have known you had feelings for her in the first place. If you’d followed my principles, you’d have known that Ghislaine should have been the one to realize that she has feelings for you. At that point she would have asked you to not be her friend anymore. You’re doing things, pal, but you’re doing everything backwards.

YOU NEED THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY TO REALLY WIN WITH WOMEN! GET IT HERE FOR 10% OFF (IMMEDIATE DOWNLOADS OF BOTH THE WRITTEN AND AUDIO VERSIONS!) 

Your feelings for Ghislaine are stronger than hers for you? What a surprise! That’s the understatement of the century! I think I’ll let the Guinness Book of World Records in on that one!

Of course Ghislaine should be crazy about you, Nelson – but she isn’t. My friend, the Reality Factor says, “When you see something, believe it now.” This girl is struggling to like you, don’t you get that? And do you know what that means? It means that her Interest Level is only 40% to 49%. And nothing starts unless Interest Level is 51%. (P.S., that’s why you’re only her friend!)

Ghislaine didn’t kiss you because she has absolutely zero romantic interest in you. But since you haven’t invested in my materials, much less memorized them, you’ve been wasting all your time with this girl. You’ve been hanging around her for two whole years. Nelson, all the time you’ve been doing this you should have been hustling other girls who like you romantically. But no, you’d rather fritter your valuable time away with somebody you have zero chance with in the romance department.

Of course things were awkward between the two of you. Ghislaine knows you dig her romantically, and since she doesn’t dig you back, it would stand to reason things would be uncomfortable for her. You came on with her, she didn’t want to kiss you back, and now she feels pressure from you. What else would you expect her to feel?

I wish this girl had the guts to just tell you to get lost, so you could go and find somebody else. It’s sad that she doesn’t cut you loose. But she either likes the attention or she likes to play the friendship role, and you go along with it. Now you’re up to two and a half years with Ghislaine, and what do you have to show for it?

Nelson, doesn’t it bother you when this woman tells you about going out with other guys? And how do you know all her dating is just “casual?” What if it’s heavy? You don’t know what she does on her dates. She could be hot and heavy with a couple of guys and you’re totally oblivious. You have no clue whatsoever what she’s doing with those other guys.

What can you do to step this up beyond a friendship? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yes, you’re deep into the friend zone -- and you’ll be there for the rest of your life. So face reality and hustle some other girls.

But you still think there’s potential for attraction on her end. You guys kill me. This is a one in a million shot, man. You’ve been tailing this girl for over two years, she has zero Interest Level in you and you say there’s a spark?

Remember, guys: once a friend, always a friend.