Doc Coaches A Guy That Said: “I Did Everything Wrong And I Know It”

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Upcoming holiday schedule:  No articles or weekly emails 12/21/2023 or 12/28/2023 - weekly articles and emails resume on 1/4/2024 (but we will have weekly articles and emails 11/30, 12/7 & 12/14 )

Hey Doc,

I hope you can be patient with me. I did everything wrong and I know it.

I’m 28 and work with an amazing girl, Kelsey. From the very first moment I saw her I thought she could be the one. I wanted to meet her like crazy but I didn’t go for it for two reasons. First of all, because she is SO beautiful that I wouldn’t even dream that a girl like her would be available. Second, I’m not a fan of dating people I work with. But I REALLY liked her!

One day, a few months after I first saw her, we talked on the phone for a business reason. The talk was so warm that she invited me to her office for coffee. We met, and I could sense that she liked me too. At that point we started talking via e-mail. Everything looked good so I asked for her phone number and called her the same night. She started bombing me with calls. She even asked if I was single.

A few days later Kelsey said that she just came out of a five-year relationship. (She dumped the guy.) She told me it was a bad period for her and she didn’t want to rush things, but she likes me a lot and wanted to take it really slow. Over the following days I asked her twice to go out but she said it was too soon. I didn’t ask her again and suddenly one night she said she wanted to see me the following day.

We went out for a drink and then she asked me to take her to the beach. I tried to kiss her but she backed off. She told me that kissing me would make things more complicated because then she would start to feel things for me. I told her no problem, take your time and perhaps we can go out some other time if you want to. Then she grabbed me and kissed me and we made out for hours! I left with the feeling that we finally made a start.

The next night I was out with friends and sent Kelsey a couple of texts early in the morning to which she didn’t reply. The next morning Kelsey told me that she felt pressure. She kissed me at the beach because she thought that she could overcome that feeling of pressure, but it didn’t work out for her after all. She told me that at the moment she couldn’t offer anything to me. All she wants is to be with her friends and have fun. I told her that she can have as much space and time as she wants, and that I like her so much I can wait for her to clear her mind.

We haven’t spoken for days since, apart from one time at work for business. I know I rushed things a hell of a lot! I know that I probably did all the wrong things. But please coach me. My question is, what should I do now? I want Kelsey! I am sure you think I’m an idiot, but Kelsey is the woman of my life. Her birthday is next week. Should I give her a present? Send flowers? Thanks for any insight.

Shelton - who should have hit the brakes

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here is the latest one (next one is scheduled for 12/13/2023):

12/6/2023 - Things To Know Before Getting Into A Relationship (Dating Women Radio Show Episode 21) 

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Hi Shelton,

When you do everything wrong and you know it, why don’t you slow down instead and do everything right? If you have an opportunity with a girl, why don’t you practice Self-Control and stop yourself from rushing headlong into rejection? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “It doesn’t make any sense to keep making the same mistakes over and over, does it? That’s just crazy!”

Dude, you don’t know that Kelsey is an amazing girl. She’s a complete stranger to you. You know nothing whatsoever about her. And you might think she’s the one for you, but what does SHE think?

If you thought that Kelsey was so beautiful you couldn’t get her, then you’re underrating yourself. If I trained you, you’d think that she was the lucky one to get you. It’s true that you could lose your job over dating someone you work with, but the more important point here is that you’re always talking about how much you like her, and not at all about how much she likes you. I’ve said a thousand times that it’s ONLY the woman’s Interest Level that counts – not yours.

It’s great that Kelsey invited you over for coffee because it indicated incoming interest. But how could you “sense” that she liked you? What did she do that convinced you of this, pal? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Was it only a figment of your imagination, my son?”

Instead of gabbing by email, you should have disappeared instead. You’re on the friendship path here, and you’re also giving away the store. Plus, from the beginning you admitted that this was all a big mistake. So why don’t you abide by the rules of “The System?” It’s because your Interest Level is in the stars and you can’t practice Self-Control. And that means you’re going to LOSE. Like my cousin General Love says, “The soldier with the most Self-Control stays alive and wins the war.”

Why did you call this girl the same night that you got her phone number? You’re supposed to wait a week. Again, no Self-Control WHATSOEVER.

Of course Kelsey dumped her ex. She’s beautiful, isn’t she? When she told you that she wanted to take it slow, you should have listened to her. I’ve interviewed over 10,000 women, and their biggest complaint is that MEN PUSH TOO HARD. If they would just sit back, relax, and GO IN SLOWLY, things would work out a lot better. So when you asked Kelsey out and she said it was too soon, you shouldn’t have pressed the issue. When you ask a girl out twice and she refuses, it doesn’t matter if it’s too soon or too late or the moon is green -- it’s over. And that’s it.

When Kelsey told you out of the blue that she wanted to see you, I know you didn’t say you were busy because that would have been working Challenge and showed her that you were a real man. Instead you were mauling her at the beach. You don’t kiss a woman at the beach, you kiss her at the doorstep when you drop her off.

When Kelsey told you that you were making things complicated, it was Womanese for “You’re rushing in way too fast!” But then you told her that you wanted to go out with her in the future. Why are you talking about the future? This is one more anti-Challenge boner. Have you ever read even one of my articles, ever, Shelton? Instead of making out with this woman for hours, you should have pushed her away. You should have said “Please, don’t kiss me. You’re pushing things too fast and I need my space and we have to go really slowly” -- which is what she had just told you.

YOU NEED THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY TO REALLY WIN WITH WOMEN! GET IT HERE FOR 10% OFF (IMMEDIATE DOWNLOADS OF BOTH THE WRITTEN AND AUDIO VERSIONS!) 

You should NEVER text a woman just to talk - you only use the phone to set up dates - not for idle chit chat -  – EVER - IT'S ANTI-CHALLENGE - you need to read about TELEPHONE BLUNDERS in The System. Kelsey didn’t reply to your messages and you asked her out twice, so you’re out. Again, you’re like a bull in the proverbial China shop, buddy. Know why this girl felt pressure? Because you’re pushing too hard. And by the way, if she’s experimenting with you to see if she’ll feel pressure, she’s a little loony!

What should you do now? BACK OFF. NO CONTACT. Let Kelsey come at you. Do I think you’re an idiot? Shelton, I don’t think you’re smart enough to be an idiot. Kelsey might be the woman of your life, but are you the man of hers?

I think you should give her a new Mercedes for her birthday, guy. But seriously, you’re not sending her any flowers because she’s not your girlfriend. You’re not sending her anything – and that includes even a card.

Remember, guys: unless you practice SELF-CONTROL, you will never, ever be successful with women.