She Didn’t Feel A Connection With Him???

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Upcoming holiday schedule:  No articles or weekly emails 12/21/2023 or 12/28/2023 - weekly articles and emails resume on 1/4/2024 (but we will have weekly articles and emails 11/30, 12/7 & 12/14 )

Hey Doc,

I’m a big fan of your column. I was left confused by one of my most recent dating experiences and was wondering if you could coach me.

I met Brooklyn about a year ago through a group of people we hang out with. She’s very pretty and classy. When I met her she had a boyfriend, so I didn’t make a move. I didn’t really hang out with her a lot either. We talked a little bit at some social events, but I spent most of my time hanging out with other people. I found out about a month ago that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I hung out with her in a smaller group a couple times to watch her signals. They were good, so I asked her out. There was a very slight hesitation, but she said yes.

First date went great. Brooklyn had her hand on my knee, held my hand, did most of the talking, and showed a lot of curiosity and interest. We laughed a lot and had a great time. We even kissed, although looking back I may have made it a bit too short. She essentially asked me out on a second date the following week. I said I had to check my schedule and that I’d give her a call in a couple days.

I called her three days later and she sounded excited about the date. She called me the next day and invited me to go to a restaurant event the group we met through was having. I had already planned on going and I told her that. So I went to the dinner. I wasn’t sure how she would react in a group, so I held back from the physical stuff although I talked mainly to her. We had a good time.

The next day Brooklyn called me and said she didn’t want to date anymore. She said she didn’t feel a connection with me and asked me if I felt the same way. I said no, I had a lot of fun on our dates. She said the first date was really fun, and it made her sad because we have so much in common.

Doc, where did I make the mistake that caused her Interest Level to drop, or did I misread it initially?

Oskar - who can’t figure her out

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here is the latest one (next one is scheduled for 1/3/2024):

12/13/2023 - WARNING Keep Your Love Life Private (Dating Women Radio Show Episode 22) 

+DON'T FORGET WE PRODUCE SHORTER VIDEOS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME

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Hi Oskar,

Good for you that you didn’t make a move on Brooklyn when you found out she had a boyfriend. To you Psych majors, WHEN SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, STAY AWAY FROM HER. Lots of guys try to work girls when they have boyfriends, but it’s a complete waste of time. When she has a boyfriend lurking around, you’re just asking for trouble.

It was also good that you stayed away from Brooklyn early on. You have to stay away from a girl until the boyfriend disappears – that’s the smart thing to do. And you did it. So you’re to be commended for that, Oskar. It shows you have developed at least some Self-Control.

That said, the slight hesitation Brooklyn showed when you asked her out was a HUGE RED FLAG. Right away you had to ask yourself this all-important question: Why? Why did she hesitate? The reason she hesitated, Oskar, was because she didn’t have high Interest Level in you. So right there, with that slight hesitation, you were in deep, deep trouble. You should have taken note of it and bailed right then and there. But you went ahead and took Brooklyn out anyway.

Dude, you shouldn’t have kissed this girl at all on the first date. You kiss a girl on the second date on her doorstep – that’s it. So you really jumped the gun here. Whether or not you knew it, you were already losing your composure and applying the pressure.

But you rebounded, and when Brooklyn asked you out for second date you didn’t accept her offer. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You didn’t jump on it like a dog who hasn’t eaten meat in a couple of years.”

Nevertheless, it was a huge mistake to go out with the group. You met Brooklyn through that group, so you should have gotten away from it and changed the environment. Like “The System” says, NO GROUP DATES. And like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You can’t sell 10 people. You’re only there to sell her.” Oskar, you’re there to sell Brooklyn, not the other nine people.

YOU NEED THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY TO REALLY WIN WITH WOMEN! GET IT HERE FOR 10% OFF (IMMEDIATE DOWNLOADS OF BOTH THE WRITTEN AND AUDIO VERSIONS!) 

I know that you held back from the physical stuff when you were with Brooklyn and the group, but you should have held back from the physical stuff on the first date. Kissing her tells me you were too touchy-feely on the first date. You’re never supposed to do that.

When Brooklyn told you she didn’t want to date anymore, it goes straight back to her hesitation when you first asked her out. You shouldn’t have told her you had a lot of fun on those first dates. You should have said, “I think you’re right – I didn’t feel a connection either. But look, you’re a heck of a girl, and I hope you find a nice boyfriend.” And that should have been the end of it. Like my cousin General Love says, “When it’s over, you give them nothing.”

Let me see if I can get this straight. Not wanting to see you makes Brooklyn sad because you have so much in common? Now she’s contradicting herself. She said she had fun, you have a lot in common -- but she doesn’t dig you. What the heck does that mean? Talk about Womanese!

But in the end, the problem here was that you misread Brooklyn’s Interest Level initially. That slight hesitation when you asked her for a date gave it all away.

Remember, guys: until you get to 10 dates, nothing counts.