Can This Long Distance Relationship Survive?

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

Okay, so here goes. I’m a 27-year-old successful architect living in Los Angeles. Shauna is a 29-year-old bombshell flight attendant living and working in Australia. We originally met on social media with casual flirting and in hopes of nothing but Internet friendship. A week ago she worked a flight from Australia to Los Angeles and sent me an e-mail letting me know she would be in town for a day and a half. At first I didn’t take it too seriously and casually replied with my phone number just in case she wanted to get together for drinks and hang out as friends.

To keep a long story short, we got together one night, had stimulating conversation, and such an amazing time that we decided to meet for lunch the very next day. We swooned over each other, which led to dinner plans for the same night before her flight back to Australia. During dinner Shauna mentioned that it was officially our third date, so she was looking at our arrangement as “dating.” Since she flew back to Australia, we have talked nearly every night on the phone and sent numerous flirtatious e-mails to each other. We’ve even made plans to go out and see a musical and have dinner when she returns to Los Angeles this weekend.

Everything seems to be going beautifully and I couldn’t really ask for more, but Doc, I sense a major thorn in this rose garden. This girl is hot. Not just hot, but Super Hot, and she’s internationally mobile via her profession. After seeing her extensive “friends” list and flirtatious ways on social media, a few of my female pals have put the idea into my head that she probably has a boyfriend in every major city she flies to, and that I’m just the L.A. fallback guy, etc.

The problem is that I’m falling for Shauna. My question is, what should I do? Do I have a right to ask Shauna about her personal life since we just started dating? Should I be concerned about her flirtatious ways? Is there any hope for this long-distance relationship? Please advise.

Vincenzo - who doesn’t want to get burned

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Hi Vincenzo,

Wait a minute here. What do you mean you were after just “internet friendship?” Be honest with yourself, pal. You’re not looking for Internet friendship – you want a girl to fall in love with you. Like my cousin General Love says, “Internet friendship is a big waste of time -- that’s why you have buddies.” In the second place, this woman lives on the other side of the world – so far you’re doing really good!

You should have taken it seriously when Shauna was in town, and you should have made a date with her. And again, don’t BS yourself here – you don’t want to hang out as friends with any female. I don’t even know what you’re trying to con yourself into here, Vincenzo. You should have been aggressive. You should have shown your strength quality of CONFIDENCE by making a date, not waiting for her to do it. It’s obvious you haven’t read my book. If you had, you wouldn’t have made such a massive blunder.

Now here’s the problem with these back-to-back-to-back dates. You had to see her a lot because Shauna was only in town for a day and a half. You had to get a lot of time in with her while she was there. But in the process you killed Challenge.

You shouldn’t have swooned over Shauna, dude. We want her doing all the swooning over you. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “You never swoon over a lady. What are you, a teenager?”

It was perfect though, that Shauna was looking at your arrangement as dating. That’s what you want. But you sound like you’ve got a complaint in your voice. What’s the problem?

Talking every night on the phone with Australia was another big, huge mistake. You should have told Shauna, “When you get back to L.A., give me a call and we’ll go out.” Period. No talking when she’s out of town.

Another error was all those flirtatious e-mails flying back and forth. Tell Shauna to save the messages for when she gets back into town. The only e-mail you want from her is the one that says “We’re going out next Wednesday!” On the other hand, it’s good you made a date for the weekend. But stay off the phone and forget the e-mails – again, you’re murdering Challenge.

But you swear that things are going “beautifully.” How can you say things are going so great when Shauna lives 7,500 miles away? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, do you have any idea what she’s up to over there?”

You say you sense a thorn in this beautiful rose garden. The reality is that there’s a whole field of thorns between you and Shauna. For one thing, she’s flirtatious on Myspace. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “In other words, she’s in love with 50 other guys!” Are you hoping to be one of the 50? Is that your objective here? And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Even worse than having guys all over the world, with that gorgeous face of hers she’s probably got two or three guys in L.A. alone.”

Guy, how can you possibly be falling for Shauna? You don’t even know her! What you’re falling for is her beauty. You’re sure not falling for her personality.

What should you do? You should see Shauna when she comes to L.A. And if you’re really smart, and it doesn’t sound like you are, you should see other girls in L.A. and you should keep seeing them until Shauna says “I’m moving to America to be with you! I want to be a U.S. citizen!” Until that happens, keep your trap shut about your feelings.

Vincenzo, you don’t have a right to ask Shauna about her personal life. You don’t have any rights with this girl, period - man you really need my book.

Should you be worried about Shauna and all her other boyfriends? She looks like a model, right? Remember, she could be on the cover of Elle magazine. So what do you think?

There would be hope for this relationship if you’d memorized my materials and done everything right. If that were the case, the odds of it working out would go from 1 in 2,000 to 1 in 10. To you Psych majors, whichever way you cut it, it’s a long shot.

Remember, guys: the key to turning off a woman is to put her on a pedestal.