Why He Needs To GROW UP Before He Loses His Wife

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

I’m a highly intelligent, handsome (so women tell me) guy in his forties. I’m a network engineer with an extremely high IQ and I command the income to match. I also work as a first-call consultant when insight is needed on a new invention or venture in a very complex area of high technology.

I also happen to be very insecure about my relationship with my wife, Kyra (not her real name), who is stunningly beautiful and cultured. We have a two-year-old child, and she’s the mother of two teenagers from her previous marriage.

Here’s my problem. Before me, Kyra was married to a celebrity. (I won’t mention his name because you’ll know who he is.) And in fact, Kyra herself is something of a celebrity, being a successful and well-known writer in the film industry. Anyway, I have to admit that I’m quite jealous towards her, especially the attention she gets from men. I don’t feel great about being jealous, but I guess it stems from some feeling of inferiority because of her status and that of her ex-husband.

Kyra sometimes needles me about missing out on social and interpersonal communication skills because from an early age I buried myself in computers. And I have to admit that maybe it’s true. Just yesterday I noticed some jerk giving her the eye at the mall and said to her, “That guy was looking at you. He’s probably wondering what you see in someone like me.”

She also complains that my behavior is controlling and emotionally abusive and that I’m jealous of her celebrity. I do try to keep up with her whereabouts and sometimes-even worry that she might be getting involved with someone else.

At the same time Kyra claims that she really loves me and doesn’t want to violate our marriage vows. Doc, what the heck can I do about this? Can your “System” help with a problem like mine? Most average people can’t really know what it’s like to be the husband of someone who was married to a famous person – it’s hell. Every time his mug shows up on TV you think to yourself that you’ll never measure up. It’s like having your face constantly rubbed in his celebrity.

Please help! This is turning into a major problem.

Stephon - who didn’t bargain for this when he married her

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here's the latest one:

8/22/2023:  Doc talks about THE ONE MISTAKE YOU CANNOT MAKE after getting her number - watch it here

Hi Stephon,

Now let me get this straight. You’re a rich, no-name computer geek and you got to marry a B-list or semi-celebrity who was once married to a 100% real celebrity? Pal, you didn’t realize what you were taking on!

I’m sorry to hear that you’re jealous of the admiration Kyra commands from men. But hold it a minute here. She’s a Beautiful Woman, especially all dolled up in her designer outfits, isn’t she? Other men are going to look at her, right? Gee, I wonder how that happened? Uh, didn’t you happen to pick up on that fact when you two were going steady?

Your problem, Stephon, is that you don’t know how to properly view your situation. Like my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “Boy, get yourself away from that god-danged computer terminal for a few minutes and listen up!” Here’s what you should have said to yourself: “Wow! I’m going to be in the celebrity world. What a ride this is going to be! Man, what a party! I can’t wait to tell all my buddies back at the beer hall!”

YOU NEED THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY TO REALLY WIN WITH WOMEN! GET IT HERE FOR 10% OFF (IMMEDIATE DOWNLOADS OF BOTH THE WRITTEN AND AUDIO VERSIONS!) 

In other words, you should have looked at marrying Kyra as an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for your personal growth and expansion. Maybe it would have helped you be more creative in your job, did you ever think of that? Or maybe you could have a picked up a few high-powered connections. The point is that you could and should have looked at acquiring your extraordinary wife as something positive, a valuable, new experience. But not you, Stephon. You wanted to pout. You didn’t want to play along.

To you Psych majors, always marry someone smarter than yourselves. Now here’s a woman, Kyra, who’s trying to drag you up in the world, and you’re kicking and screaming. Here’s a woman who actually knows Miss Manners and follows her, and she’s going to improve you and make you grow and you’re going to be a better and stronger man for it. When she “needles” you about your nerdy shortcomings, she isn’t nagging you -- she’s trying to help you. She’s trying to pull you up. But again, you don’t want to play. And that’s too bad for you.

When that fellow was ogling your wife at the mall, you should have walked up to him and said, “Hey, man, what do you think of her? Pretty hot, right?”

DON'T BE A TODDLER WITH HER (AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY MEN MAKE THIS MISTAKE!)  Check out Doc's article on DatingAdvice.com!

Hey, if you want to know what this girl’s up to every minute, you should become a women’s prison guard. But needing to know where Sheena is every second of the day shows that you’re already gone whether or not you know it. Your Interest Level has gone wild. It’s well into the 90s. I don’t think there’s any hope for you. Like my cousin General Love would say, “We ought to just lower the flag to half-mast, get out the bugles and blow taps. This soldier has bitten the dust.”

And of course he would have answered, “Hell, yes. I think she’s beautiful.” And then you could have told him, “Yeah, just think: she’s going home with me tonight.” Then you give him a wink and go back to your wife -- with a little bounce in your walk! Have fun with it, man. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “You got any idea how many guys would kill to be in your position?” But noooo, not you – you’d rather pout.

Kyra’s right when she accuses you of being controlling, abusive and jealous of her celebrity. And let me warn you about something right now, Stephon. Your wife’s Interest Level is fluttering at around 51% to 55%, and you’re running out of time. But you’d only be hip to that if you read my book, and it’s obvious that you don’t even own it.

So, what can you do about your fix? GROW UP! “The System” can help 90% of all guys with your problem. But in your case, odds are only 50-50 that it will work.

Man, if you think it’s hell being married to a celebrity’s ex, it’s high time to loosen up and buy a dozen T-shirts. All you have to do is remember that Kyra dropped her celebrity husband. He’s yesterday’s news. He turned her off, just like you’re doing. And at the rate you’re going, you’ll be in the same boat unless you wake up on the double and memorize my principles.

Wake up and smell the coffee if there’s still time and you haven’t already made Kyra want to run for the hills.

Remember, guys: if you want to get on the celebrity train, you better have fun with the ride.