He Feels Like A “Temporary Boyfriend???”

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

Hey Doc,

I have a certain situation with my current girlfriend of four months, Celeste. We’re great together, and she’s told me she loves me and I think I’m in love with her also. We do everything together and have loads of fun.

But that’s where the problems start. We only have fun and are great together when we’re not in the presence of one of her closest friends, who happens to be a guy. They have what I think is a platonic relationship. But is it natural for a woman to be so concerned with one of her closest friends to the extent that she would rather sit on his lap or hug and link arms with him rather than me? And by the way, I’m the one she presumably loves!

I’m perfectly okay with the two of them being together, but sometimes the way she behaves around him makes me feel like a “temp” boyfriend before she ends up with him. This situation caused serious problems in our first two months together, and we actually ended things, but got back together because we had such strong feelings for each other.

In terms of Celeste’s Interest Level, I would say it’s over 85%. This makes me think that there should be nothing to worry about, but lately Celeste has been spending more time with this other guy than with me. It’s Celeste’s birthday next week and I’ve asked her to dinner, but she already has plans, and guess who they’re with? Surely that’s a cause for concern? Yet sometimes I feel selfish for wanting Celeste all to myself.

So how do I deal with a situation like this? Do I end things with someone I love? Or should I learn to deal with it and stop acting selfish?

I’ll be eternally grateful if you can help me. Thanks, Doc.

Luis - who feels completely confused

There are hundreds of videos on Doc's YouTube Channel - here's the latest one:

8/29/2023:  Doc talks what you should do if her feelings are dropping - watch it here

Hi Luis,

It always starts out with “everything’s perfect,” doesn’t it? Then the big “BUT” enters the picture, and it’s all downhill from there. It’s sad, too, because that big “BUT” does not have to occur. And it doesn’t have to occur if you read and memorize the Dating Dictionary.

Now let me make sure I got this straight. Your girlfriend Celeste is sitting on another guy’s lap? Dude, I got news for you: this woman is not your girlfriend. Think about it, Luis. She’s dying to snuggle up on the lap of another male and you call her your girlfriend? Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “Friend, you have to lay off the alcohol!”

Celeste doesn’t “presumably” love you, guy. She tells you verbally that she loves you, but she actually loves two guys.

Buddy, you’re not perfectly all right with Celeste and the other guy being together, otherwise you wouldn’t be writing this letter. And you’re not a temporary boyfriend, you’re just one of two boyfriends.

You and Celeste don’t really have strong feelings for one another, pal. That’s not why you got back together. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You’re together again with this girl because you’re whipped.”

Sure, Celeste’s Interest Level is probably about 85% in you. But like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “The problem is that her Interest Level is 100% in the other guy.” Yes, my friend, she’s more interested in your competition, also known as the BLOCKER. And think about this: Celeste sits in your rival’s lap, she can’t keep her hands off him, she spends more time with him than with you, and you think she has 85% Interest Level in you. Whoa – Reality Check Time!

Luis, I don’t have to guess who Celeste has set up her birthday plans with, because I already know: the guy in the number one position. In other words, NOT YOU.

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Is this a cause for concern? Guy, the building’s on fire!

Whatever gave you the idea that there’s something wrong or selfish in wanting a girl all to yourself? The problem in your case is that this thing was doomed from the beginning. You should never have gone head over heels so quickly for this babe until the other guy was COMPLETELY OUT OF THE PICTURE. As soon as you caught wind of the other guy, you should have realized that this girl was stroking you, playing you like a Stradivarius. To you Psych majors, she’s telling you all the things you want to hear, but her actions say the opposite.

How do you deal with this situation? If I were you, I’d call Celeste up and say “Listen, baby, I really think you like your other boyfriend more than you like me, so I want you to spend all your time with him. And while you’re at it, do me a couple of favors, okay? Forget my name and forget my phone number!” Then hang up. And when Celeste comes crawling back to you, just hang up on her. Simple. But you won’t do it. You’re way too soft. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You’d rather hang around and watch the other boy pet her.”

Should you end things with someone you love? You’re implying here that Celeste is someone who actually likes you. You got it all backwards, Luis!

WHY BROKEN DATES ARE DEALBREAKERS:  Check out Doc's article on DatingAdvice.com!

Should you not be selfish when it comes to Celeste? Why not? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “As a matter of fact, I think that you two guys should find a religion that allows for two husbands and then get married to Celeste.”

Remember, guys: women are experts at working the man’s ego.