The Way He DISRESPECTED His Girlfriend Is NOT Something You Should Do

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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

VERY disrespectful to his girlfriend - don't make the same error he did...

Hey Doc,

I am not sure whether I’m overanalyzing my relationship or not, but here goes.

I’ve been dating Amanda for year and a half. In the beginning we were still dating other people and keeping our options open. I enjoyed dating other women, but I knew that I really only wanted to date Amanda. But I never told her that I only wanted to date her. I stayed mysterious, kept her Interest Level high, and in the end we agreed to be exclusive.

After six months, Amanda asked me if I loved her. I was completely caught off guard by the question and got very nervous and felt trapped. I thought maybe it was a trick question. Amanda then told me that she was in love with me. After hesitating, I answered that I did love her. From that night on, we tell each other that we love one another all the time. I consider what we have to be a serious relationship and I see the potential for it to evolve as time goes on.

Here’s the problem. I have a few old friends who happen to be female and my girlfriend likes them. However, she gets uncomfortable if I am going to hang out with any of them. For example, I had a wedding to go to and Amanda was out of town so I asked one of my female friends to go with me. Amanda said she was uncomfortable with me taking another girl, even if she was an innocent old friend. I brushed it off, took my friend to the wedding and had a great time. This led to a really big fight afterwards between Amanda and me.

Everything is fine now, but I wonder if I should have not taken my friend to this wedding. Should I have cared more about Amanda being uncomfortable? Is she jealous because she doesn't trust me? I hate to compromise my freedom in any way. What should I do?

Bugs - who is really confused

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Hi Bugs,

I’m really glad you’re overanalyzing your relationship or think you might be! Because at least you’re analyzing it. Most guys NEVER analyze what they’re doing with women. They just wing it, see what happens and when they suffer the pangs of rejection, they say to themselves “Gee, I wonder what happened?” And of course rejection is exactly what happens when they don’t follow my program.

It’s also great that you never told Amanda that you wanted to date only her. I want the girl to tell you she wants to be exclusive, and not the other way around. When you finally agreed to be exclusive, who brought it up, her or you? I hope it was Amanda.

Instead of admitting to Amanda that you loved her, you should have said, “Honey, how do I treat you?” And then you should have added, “Baby, I’m only seeing you, so you know how I feel about you.” That’s all she would have needed to know.

But now you two are always telling each other that you love one another. That’s way too much, pal. There is absolutely no Challenge in repeating, “I love you” over and over to a woman like a parrot. When you do that, there can never EVER be anything new about you in the future. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “Every time you say I love you to a lady, you give away the store.” But when you treat a girl like you love her and don’t tell her, that’s the essence of Challenge and keeping that girl interested in you for a hundred years.

YOU NEED THE SYSTEM/DATING DICTIONARY TO REALLY WIN WITH WOMEN! GET IT HERE FOR 10% OFF (IMMEDIATE DOWNLOADS OF BOTH THE WRITTEN AND AUDIO VERSIONS!) 

Your girlfriend is not telling you the truth about liking your female friends, Bugs. If she likes them, why is she upset about you going to a wedding with one of them? You just contradicted yourself, my friend. That said, it was a big mistake to ask a female pal to go with you to this function. You’re going with Amanda, so you don’t take other women out. And I don’t care if the other woman is just a friend.

But let’s say Amanda is wrong about this. Let’s say this girl you took to the wedding means nothing whatsoever to you and Amanda is making a stink over nothing. If Amanda is great in every other area, you have to GIVE. This is not the time to stand up to her. Or like my cousin General Love says, “This is not something you want to go to battle over, soldier.” Amanda might be insecure, but you have to let her have this one because she’s a winner everywhere else.

But you didn’t do that. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love In East LA says, “You dug in and stood your ground when it didn’t mean a thing!” And then you had a big fight. Was it worth it?

Think about it: you’re going with Amanda, you’re supposedly in love with her, but you show up at a wedding with another girl. What if there were other people there who knew Amanda? You know they’re going to get back to her with all kinds of sticky questions: “How come you didn’t show up at the wedding?” “How come your boyfriend brought that other girl instead of you?” These are the kinds of questions that will cause you real trouble.

Everything isn’t fine now, dude. Amanda is resentful and you’ve hurt her. You shouldn’t have taken the other girl to the wedding. Of course you should have worried about Amanda being uncomfortable because she’s the one who counts, the other girl is just a friend. This whole thing has nothing to do with trust. When a girl is in love with a guy, she doesn’t want him going to a wedding with somebody else. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s just not kosher.” Simple as that.

If you don’t want to compromise your freedom in any way, drop Amanda right now and forget women.

What should you do? Go to Amanda; tell her you’ve thought it out, and that you’ve come to the conclusion that what you did was disrespectful. Explain to her that you didn’t know what you were thinking, and that it will never happen again.

Remember, guys: when you’re in love with a girl, don’t take other girls out.