WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?
He wants to commit suicide over her. Guy, guy, guy - NEVER LET IT GET TO THAT POINT FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP!
Check out my advice to him and hit me up on the radio every Wednesday - The Dating Women Radio Show is LIVE for you weekly at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET and I'll take your calls!
READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
My, do I have a problem! Meredith and I have been going out for almost four years. But recently there’s been trouble. We are doing less and less together. She’s been spending more and more time with a younger guy. I’ve been going through a lot of stress with my job and my father is very ill. To ice the cake, this new guy has been trying to weasel his way in.
Meredith has asked me if I would accept an open relationship where she had several boyfriends. I told her that I didn’t like the idea, and she got a bit angry with me, saying she only wanted to experiment. She and the new guy have been hanging out more and more. Then I went through some of her belongings and found a plethora of letters from the other guy. They went into detail about how much he loved her and wanted to be with her, as well as various romantic acts they had performed together. In one of the letters, in which the other guy complained about feeling like a third wheel, Meredith wrote to him, “You shouldn’t feel like the third wheel, love. If anything, Rafael is the third wheel because I’ve cut him off from everything except for talking, and I’m slowly stopping even that. But don’t worry, I’ve got him under control.”
Doc, this angered me to no end, so I confronted Meredith and things got even worse. She left me for a week after confessing that she and the other guy had been together for a month, and all of that stuff in the letters did happen, and that she needed time to herself. Little did I know that time to herself included the other guy!
After the breakup I attempted to “off” myself numerous times. Meredith then proceeded to beg me for three days to take her back. She explained that she was tired of me being angry and arguing with her and for being depressed, and that she was sorry that she fell for the other guy. After a week, I took her back. But to this day, she has long periods of silence and absences that she can’t explain. She says that she’s spending time with her parents, but I don’t really believe her even though I want to. After a month I feel that I still can’t trust her. She still insists that she’s sorry and she loves me every day. I don’t know what to do, and I’m in dire need of coaching.
Rafael - who’s at the end of his rope
DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Rafael,
First of all, let me correct you on something. The new guy isn’t “trying to weasel his way in,” he’s already in! Dude, you have a girlfriend of four long years who’s going out with another guy. Which means that you haven’t been going by “The System,” you’ve been taking Meredith for granted, you’re boring, and that’s why she’s fooling around with somebody else. And she’s doing it because her Interest Level is in the pits. And you deserve what’s happened because you don’t have my book and therefore haven’t been implementing the MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, which is outlined in those pages.
When Meredith asked you for an open relationship and several boyfriends, right there you should have...
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Rafael,
No one is ever worth “offing” yourself, call a suicide hotline and get some help bud!
As a reminder, this woman has cheated, manipulated, and even lied. Where does it end? I suggest you drop her before you find out just how far this rabbit hole goes.
Mark,
Good advice.
Thank you so much Doc. Its only thanks to your book that I will never be in the same place as this guy.
I have taken back control over my own life and happiness.
You opened my eyes and took my bitterness and sadness away. God bless you.
I appreciate the kind words – your support is very much appreciated!
Hi Doc, I couldn’t comment rafael’s letter, he piss me off:) Such guys are in your book under “W”.
English is not my native language, so just to be sure:
“And when you found out that Meredith and this other guy had performed all kinds of romantic acts, you should have dropped her immediately. This babe is not loyal. On the other hand, if she had high Interest Level in you, it would have bettered your odds of keeping her and having a great relationship” – You didn’t mean that if girl is cheating but at the same time have high Interest Level in her boyfriend this would rise odds to have a great relationship, did you? Cause it’s totally contradicting.
Hi Sergio,
Thanks for writing – what I meant is that sometimes women that cheat will only do it when they have LOW INTEREST LEVEL so keep the INTEREST LEVEL high to protect against her wanting to go with another guy. Of course if they cheat on you drop them immediately and never look back.
I appreciate your question.
I have empathy for this guy, because I used to be in his shoes, so I’m not going to dog him. However, he would be in worse shape, certainly financially, if he was married to her and she file for divorce. The reality factor: this woman doesn’t give a s*** about you and should be thrown in the garbage heap, because she’s nothing but trouble. Take it from a guy who knows.
Thanks for your support!
Her unexplained absences are probably, her being with that other guy still. Or maybe other guys who knows. The thing is she is not happy in a monogamous relationship and he is satisfied with one woman. So Raphael should let her go, so she can continue to pursue her desires. Raphael is not happy because of her disloyalty and he doesn’t trust her. Yeah man it’s best to abort the relationship and seek someone who likes you and is loyal. Hope the best for this dude.
Thanks for your support!
Great advice as always Doc. A loyal woman with high interest level will NOT cheat. And that comment about open relationships is just Womanese for “I want you to stay by the phone in case I’m bored on a Saturday night and my refrigerator is empty.”
Thanks for your support!