Hey Doc,

A year ago I met Nina at work. She works in another department and invited me to dinner and we had a great time, and an even better time after I walked her to her car and we ended up sharing some sweet kisses. I was jazzed to see her a couple of days later when we went out for a night walk in a park with more kisses and some hand-holding. It was all good except for the fact that I was separated, which
I did not have the time to sit down and explain to Nina before things heated up between us.

Anyway, Nina found out about this from some of our co-workers. I had hoped to sit down with her and explain this part of my life to her later. She became extremely angry and accused me of deceiving her. I have not had this kind of thing happen to me before, so I knew I would have to sit down with her and talk and see if we could work it out. A friend told me that it was not completely my fault and that Nina had an obligation to check me out beforehand if she was going to make overtures towards me.

Nina accepts no responsibility for what happened and casts me as the bad guy in all this. I have tried to talk to her a few times but she’s being a hard ass about it. She says she’s not angry anymore and has no ill will towards me, but she acts like a bitch most of the time and it’s only when I don’t see her for a few weeks and she misses me that she will come and talk to me and show interest. I have found that I have developed feelings for Nina and don’t know what to do or say to turn this negativity around.

Doc, is there any way to patch this up? I’m ready to walk away and never look back, but I really want to try one more time. Do you think I should just cut my losses and be glad I found out before I got into a real relationship with Nina and did something that really warranted her anger? She goes out of her way at work to try to hurt me by being super friendly with other men in front of me, even guys she’s told me she didn’t really care for!

I have several choices in women right now, but perhaps I’m just super attracted to Nina because she’s rejecting me and we always want what we can’t have. Is she playing me because she knows she can?

Byron - who needs a strategy

Hi Byron,

The first HUGE mistake you made was sharing kisses with Nina on the first date. You’re not supposed to do ANY kissing on the first date. Kissing on the first date goes against “The System” and shows that you don’t have my book and you don’t listen to my dating women radio show.

The next mistake you made was walking in the park and kissing Nina again. You’re getting much too affectionate much too soon on the first and second dates. You really don’t know what you’re doing, pal.

What do you mean you didn’t have time to explain your marital situation to Nina? All you had to say was, “I don’t want to mislead you, but I’m separated from my wife. The paperwork’s been filled out, and I’m getting a divorce.” You don’t need five hours to explain anything.

But again you talk about hoping to sit down and explain everything to Nina. Like my cousin General Love says, “It’s not like you’re flying to Iceland to meet the leaders of the world to have a summit meeting for eight hours.” Again, all you had to say was “I’m going through a divorce.” But the fact that you held this fact back showed Nina that you’re not honest. She was right to become angry and accuse you of deceiving her. Think about it this way: you had time to make out with Nina, but you didn’t have time to tell her that you were separated from your wife?

Your friend who thinks you weren’t at fault for anything is 100% wrong. He isn’t a love doctor like I am. So don’t talk to your friends – talk to me. Nina had no obligation to do anything. She invited you out to dinner and you didn’t tell her that you were going through a divorce and that it would be final in three months or whatever. It would have taken all of 40 seconds to tell her that and everything would have been clear. By having a sit-down you would have shown Nina that you’re guilty by blowing this all out of proportion.

And Nina was right to not accept responsibility for what happened, because none of it was her fault. You were the bad guy in this, Byron. Nina wasn’t being a hard-ass. She was angry because you misled her. It’s no wonder she’s mad. What she has now is resentment towards you. And if you’d read my book, you’d know that RESENTMENT KILLS INTEREST LEVEL. I don’t even know why Nina holds on to you in any way because she has to think you’re a liar because you deceived her. You weren’t available for a relationship and you’re making out with her when you have a wife. And you don’t even see this!

There’s no way to patch this up, dude. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Next time you go out with a babe, tell her you’re married.”

There’s nothing to try, Byron. You don’t seem to understand the proportion of your problem here. You keep playing it down, as if having a wife on the side is no big deal. But you’re out of bounds, make no mistake about it. And when Nina flirts with other guys at work, she’s rubbing all of this in your face.

Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s payback time!” That’s what women do, and you don’t realize it. Now I know for sure you don’t have my book.

Nina isn’t playing you. She’s just treating you like crap because that’s the way you treated her. Tit for tat.

Remember, guys: single women with class don’t want to date married men.