He fell for a HOT MESS - why I don't know - and now he is in MAJOR PAIN.  Guys, YOU CAN'T CHANGE OR HELP HER no matter how hard you try (case in point is below!)

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Hey Doc,

I’ve been living with Portia for two years. We’ve known each other for over 10 years. We’ve been both best friends and had a romantic relationship. She’s helped me through a lot of hard times, and I helped her with a lot of her emotional baggage, and she has a lot of emotional baggage. For instance, she and her daughter, who is nine, and the rest of her family as a whole, go into immediate “argue mode” whenever they get together. Also, Portia is very high maintenance. For a long time I’ve tried to make her love herself because she has such low Self-Esteem. She was there for me during trying times and I wanted to repay her by building her up. I wanted to make her feel good about herself and also about me.

Portia chased me looking to have a relationship for two years before I committed. I kept our dates to two per week during that time. Now that we live together it seems that the fire between us has dwindled. I think it’s a bit of resentment on my part and a lack of space. Portia can also be somewhat manipulative.

Anyway, I’ve now caught Portia in a physical relationship with another guy. I’m super emotional about it and have started to get clingy and jealous. I immediately referred to “The System,” which I have studied for a very long time. I don’t believe Portia’s interest fell to 49%. I believe that it dropped to 57%. It seems to me that I can raise it because when I’m a Challenge and let her initiate, Portia hugs me and kisses my cheek a lot. Her behavior is inconsistent though. Last night she told me that she would be home at midnight, but it’s the next day and she’s still not back.

I don’t think we’re at the point of no return, and I would like to salvage this relationship if I can. Doc, how do I use Challenge to boost Portia’s interest? And can I save this relationship? Also, how do I control my own Interest Level? I think it goes too high sometimes even though I try to keep it down.

Zach - who has to wonder who she’s with

Hi Zach,

Right off the bat you tell me that Portia has lots of emotional baggage. In “The System” there’s a section called SCARS AND BAGGAGE. It’s there you learn that the less emotional baggage the female has, the easier it will be for the man involved to be happy. So what this means is that you were in trouble from the get-go. In fact, from the very beginning you were dead in the water with this woman.

I call Portia’s family type a “drama family” because all they do is fight whenever they get together. And this puts a burden on you, the male in this relationship. Then you tell me that she’s a high maintenance case. You might be trying to build her up, but you’re writing me because you have a huge problem between her emotional baggage and family and maintenance issues. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “What does she do for a hobby, rob banks?” In addition you’ve become Portia’s shrink, which obviously hasn’t helped at all. Trying to build up Portia’s Self-Esteem is a nice thought, Zach, but you’re talking to the wall.

Then you tell me that Portia is manipulative. Man, this babe has a lot of plusses, doesn’t she! And you add that you’ve caught her with another guy. So what you’re telling me – besides all the other problems you have with Portia – is that she has absolutely zero Loyalty. The number one thing a man wants in a relationship with a woman is Loyalty, and this woman is devoid of it.

Let me explain something to you. When your woman goes to bed with another guy, your reaction is not a matter of jealousy. It has to do with RESPECT. Portia DOES NOT respect you, Zach. She knows she can get away with pulling stuff on you. And she also knows that... 

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