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Hey Doc,
I used to go out with this girl, Megan. We spent three and a half months together, and during those three and a half months I broke up with her once due to her negativity, difficult attitude and also because she used to meet her ex-boyfriend and I couldn’t take it. She cheated on her boyfriend with me before we hooked up together, and then she finally left him for me.
I left her for the second time just recently. I know that she’s met up with her ex many times (he asked her) and that he’s kissed her. She said she didn’t want him to, and then turned around and said it’s her fault and that she’s sorry she let him. However, we are still very close, we love each other, and we also date on a regular basis. She says that whenever I kiss her it feels right.
I see Megan often since we go to the same college. We both talk to our friends about our relationship, and she’s told my best friend she doesn’t want a commitment and wishes to start fresh with someone else in the future. She’s told me this too, then turns around and tells me she doesn’t know what she really wants. She says she wants to be free but that she’s certain about one thing -- she never wants to lose me and she needs my hugs and kisses, and she has to see me and talk to me. She says she adores me and that I’m a treasure. She swears she’ll always be there for me.
Doc, I’m so confused. I didn’t leave Meg for no reason. Her negativity and flirting got to me. But when I see her act all sweet and loving, I start wondering whether I made the right decision. I don’t know if I want Megan back, but I can’t stand even thinking about her with someone else. If she wants freedom, why does she NEED things from me?
Please help me.
Andy - who’s never been so confused in his life
Hi Andy,
So, you couldn’t take the fact that your girl was getting together with her ex? Then why did you go back for more? As my cousin Doctor Freud once wrote, “The boy must be a glutton for punishment.” She left her ex for you? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Hey, this girl sounds like the loyal type!”
Let’s face it, Andy, when Megan met up with her ex, the guy didn’t exactly have to beg her, did he? He gets to kiss her, doesn’t he? You mean she didn’t turn her head when he went for her lips? She didn’t push him away? She didn’t take at least one step backwards? Well, now it makes sense! Now I see how the guy got away with it!
What you should be asking yourself, Andy, is how much of the whole story of her extracurricular activities Megan is really giving you. If she’s telling you to your face that her ex is smooching her and that it’s her fault, can you imagine what’s really going on? Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “If she’s willing to cough up this much, you sure she’s not working you?”
When she kisses you and says that it feels so right, you should ask her – to define “right.” Is it “right” enough that she’ll stop seeing her ex? Apparently not.
On my gosh, Andy -- you talk to WHO about Megan? What have I told you guys again and again? Never talk to anybody – except for me -- about your relationship. Why don’t you just have “I LOVE YOU, MEGAN!” printed on 10,000 fliers, rent a helicopter, then fly over the college and throw them out the window?
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You can believe or disbelieve what your best friend is telling you about your girlfriend, pal, but with the way things are going with her, I’d have to say, “It’s a lock you’re going down!”
But what the heck, Megan tells you the very same thing, right? She practically broadcasts her desire for other men to the world. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “And you keep chasing this girl? Whatsa matter with you, boy?”
I don’t know why man was given an EGO. It’s the most dangerous thing in the world. The EGO clouds vision. It puts blinders on you, until all you can see is your own desire. And like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “When it comes to women, men are STUPID enough to begin with.”
So don’t snow yourself, buddy. Megan knows what she really wants. She wants to get rid of you and find a new stooge!
But you insist on believing that she adores you and thinks you’re a “treasure.” Those are two really extreme words -- and she’s confused about her feelings towards you? Hel-lo! Welcome to the Wonderful World of Womanese!
But not to worry, Andy. Just like she promised, Megan will always be there for you. Heck, she’ll even let you be best man at her wedding!
Sure, Megan’s negativity and flirting got to you, and that’s understandable. But what about all the mistakes you made, guy? What about all the things you did wrong? Maybe that’s what sank her Interest Level; did you ever think of that? (This of course is in addition to the fact that she has a bad attitude!)
But let’s be real here, Andy. Megan could tell you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and you’d do it. She’s got you right where she wants you. To you Psych majors, “She works the man’s ego with the skill of an acclaimed artist!”
You might not want to think about your squeeze with someone else, man, but that’s not the important thing here. The only thing that’s relevant is how Megan feels about you. Remember, HER Interest Level is the only thing that matters -- after her attitude. All the other stuff means nothing.
Want to know why Megan needs things from you? Because she wants a pet dog.
Remember, guys: women who love you are consistent.
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