All Posts by DocLove

The double date was bad enough - but now he doesn't know where he stands with her.  

You always, always, always have to GET THINGS CLEAR with a woman - do not leave yourself open to guesswork like our poor reader this week.

Hey Doc,

I’m in high school senior that just turned 18 and I went on a double date set up by one of my friends. The girl’s name is Robin - another senior like me and my same age. It seemed like she had a lot of fun and that she liked me, and my friend, who is a big chick magnet, agreed.

After I got Robin’s number and texted her she said we should hang out again, and she sounded very enthusiastic. Now it’s been a month since that double date, and we have both been very busy with summer vacations. The most recent text Robin sent me was “Hey, I’m pretty busy this week, it might be better to hang out next week!” This was after I asked her to look at her schedule and get back to me, which she did. That was a good sign. I asked her if the reason she couldn’t get together this week was because she was babysitting (she babysits a lot) and she said yes, and that she had a lot of family get-togethers to go to as well.

Then I asked her how far in advance she knows her babysitting schedule so that I could figure out when we could do something together. She did not respond after that, which was the first time she didn’t respond to one of my texts. My phone is very crappy however, and it doesn’t always send messages and now I’m wondering if she even got it. It’s been three days since we talked and I’m planning on texting Robin tomorrow to ask when we can hang out.

Doc, basically I’m worried that I have not been texting Robin correctly. I always got out of our conversations pretty fast. I did not ask a lot of boring questions so I could “get to know” Robin better, and I did a good job of showing her that I am busy and have a life outside of her. And I only texted her every few days. So if she is not responding now, could I be doing something wrong? What should I do when I text Robin tomorrow? My friend said Robin liked me and her best friend told me that I definitely needed to get her number when we were on that double date.

Dre - who doesn’t know how to handle it

Hi Dre,

What do you mean by “it seemed” like Robin had a lot of fun? Did she or didn’t she? Did she mention right away that she would like to do it again? Did she touch you on the arm when you were talking to her? Did she laugh at your jokes? You don’t say whether or not she gave you any buying signals, so it doesn’t mean anything that you guess she might have had a lot of fun. When Robin sounded enthusiastic when you texted her after the double date, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER OUT right then and there. It’s obvious that you don’t have “The System,” pal. If you did, you would have known what to do.

But you tell me that you and Robin are both busy with summer vacations. So let me get this straight: you had 30 straight days from the time you last saw her, and she couldn’t give you two hours of time? Something’s wrong here, my friend. You didn’t ask her out after a week. You should have.

Instead, you let a month go by. To you Psych majors, you can’t let a month go by before asking the girl out. And you should have asked her out for a certain day and time. If she couldn’t make it, she should have counter-offered another day. But you dropped the ball here, Dre. It’s evident to me that you haven’t got “The System” memorized – if you even have it in the first place.

When Robin said that it would be better to hang out the following week, you should have texted her back that you would get together next Wednesday at six o’clock in the evening. In other words, YOU SHOULD HAVE CLOSED THIS GIRL, and you didn’t do it. You don’t ask a girl to look at her schedule. You ask her out for the day and time you want to go out.

Why are you asking Robin about babysitting? Why do you care why she can’t get together with you? All you should care about is that she’s going to be on a date with you. Now she has family get-togethers to attend to. Dude, there are 24 hours in a day. You got seven times 24 hours in a week – that’s a lot of hours to have a date. And this girl can’t give you a couple of hours? You’re rationalizing here, Dre.

You made another mistake by asking about Robin’s future babysitting schedule. Like I said, you should be asking her out for the specific day, and telling her what you’re going to do on the date. Let her figure out the other stuff. All you’re doing is helping her rationalize not going out with you because she’s busy.

As far as your phone goes, you have a huge problem. The telephone is part of dating today. You have to have a phone that works. You have one that doesn’t work, so you can’t even know whether a girl has your invitation for a date or not. Dre, get a new phone ASAP!

You don’t ask a girl when you can hang out. And you don’t hang out with girls. You’re going to go out on a date with Robin, period. You’re going to pick a date and a time. You’re not going to ask her for that. You are going to tell her. You are the man. You are the leader in this situation. You’re the person in charge here, or at least you’re supposed to be.

Of course you haven’t been texting Robin correctly because you haven’t been asking her out. When you text a girl, it’s only to ask her out for a certain date and time. You don’t text her to shoot the bull and go back and forth, which is all you’re doing. You might have thought you’d done certain things right when you texted back and forth, but you didn’t ask her out!

Actually, you really shouldn’t be texting this girl at all. You text her ONCE to get the date and that’s it. You show up for the date, and you don’t text between dates. That’s the rule. I’m sorry, buddy, but you’re clueless! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “No wonder you’re getting butchered in dating!”

Of course you’re doing something wrong. You’re not asking Robin out on a date! You’re doing everything but. What should you do now? Ask her for a date at a certain time on a certain day and tell her what you’re going to do. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Make it black and white.” And no calling back to verify the date.

Remember, guys: you have to be direct with her in order to know whether or not she likes you.

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