Hey Doc,

I’m a 21 year-old premed student and I’m at a loss for words. Over the past six months, I met and got to know two young women. The first is Lori. She’s a complete charm. She is the essence of a soft, fair woman. She never criticizes, nags, or has a negative attitude. She handles herself in a mature manner, and works hard for what she achieves. The second of the two, Amber, has a very unique demeanor as well. She has a knockout body, is extremely fit, bright, and outgoing. She does show some traits of being a man-eater though, and has her guard up most of the time. She is appealing because she is easy to be around, is not ditzy, and enjoys many of the same hobbies as I do. Lori and Amber are dissimilar, but they have one ULTIMATE flaw in common. Let me explain.

Lori contacts me every day. She has told me that I am the sweetest guy she has ever met. She tells me how attractive I am and is flirtatious. She calls me names like “cupcake” and “sweetheart,” and holds my arm everywhere we go. We are heading in the same career direction. I have done a lot for Lori, including vouch for her when she was applying for a job. Here’s the problem: she is still with her boyfriend of four years. She comes to me when he is treating her badly, which he apparently does often. I am there for her and try to comfort her. She knows I am interested in her, but I’m beginning to think she is a lost cause. Should I give her an ultimatum, or just cut her off completely?

Amber on the other hand broke up with her boyfriend a month ago. I approached her smoothly, took my time, and she is showing increasing interest. The problem is that she is still friends with her ex. She insists that I go out to a bar to meet her, only to see them talking together. She has pictures of the two of them together and always brings him up in conversation. He has mistreated her in the past, but she keeps going back.

I have witnessed women who are treated horribly in relationships and hold on even tighter because of it. I don’t understand it. Both of these girls tell me how horrible it is, how rudely they have been spoken to, and what these guys have done to negatively effect their relationships. Plain and simple, it seems as if both of them want me but are too weak to stay away from the other guy. Doc, what is wrong with these women?

Bosley - who should probably just stick to the books

Hi Bosley,

Why are you helping Lori to get a job when she’s not your girlfriend? You only help your girlfriend with a job application. Lori’s still with her boyfriend of four years? That’s another reason not to help her out with a job. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Her boyfriend’s the one who is supposed to be helping her, not you.” Dude, you’re flirting with and spending all kinds of time with someone who’s NOT AVAILABLE. Everything you’re doing with Lori is just a BIG WASTE OF TIME. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Why don’t you practice on someone who doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

But you’re there for Lori and you try to comfort her. In other words, you’re playing her psychiatrist. You’re in the FRIEND ZONE whether or not you know it, pal. And the saddest part of all is that you put yourself there. And let me explain something else to you, Bosley. This girl shouldn’t know that you’re interested in her. From what you’ve told me, I can see you know nothing whatsoever about females and you certainly don’t have “The System.” In addition, since you’re only 21, you’re no doubt dealing with two girls who are somewhere in the 18 to 22 age range, which means that they haven’t grown up yet. But you don’t understand any of this because you don’t have my book.

Forget about giving Lori ultimatums. What you need to do is have her set you up with her girlfriends!

Tell her that since you helped her get a job, she has to help you get a girlfriend! Quid pro quo, guy!

Amber is another case of someone who’s not available. Another case of frittering away your time with a girl who has a boyfriend lurking in the background. You’re playing Amber’s girlfriend when you help her with her boyfriend problems. Neither one of these girls have any interest in you other than as a buddy.

Now let me explain what the boyfriends of Lori and Amber are doing. When they treat these girls badly, a part of it is perceived by them as CHALLENGE. “The System” teaches a guy to go in SLOWLY with a girl – that’s a positive Challenge. A negative Challenge is when a guy treats her badly and some part of the girl likes it. So you really don’t want either of them anyway!

Nevertheless, you are under the delusion that these girls want you. Before you graduate from college, you better take a class on the subject of RATIONALIZING, because you are blind! You’re just rationalizing here, Bosley.

To you Psych majors, when a girl doesn’t like you, the male ego rationalizes that it’s because she’s too weak to dump her boyfriend. The real reason she’s not with you is because she doesn’t have high Interest Level in you. These girls really don’t have any interest in you, frankly. You’re really just their girlfriend or shrink.

There’s nothing wrong with these girls, Bosley. They figure that rather than pay a therapist $150 an hour to listen to their troubles, they can just talk to you. So the real question is what’s wrong with YOU.

You’re going to make two hundred grand a year as a doctor, buddy, but you’re going to be a perfect candidate for divorce. Why? Because you’re clueless. The only book you have to stick to is my book – “The System” – which you don’t even have!

Remember, guys: if you want to date a girl, she has to be available.