Dating Women Advice: Lose Control Over A Girl???
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Too much contact with her! He really blew his chances by having THE SYSTEM but not following it - ugh...
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READER'S QUESTION
Hey Doc,
First of all, I’d like to thank you. Your materials guided me through an era of “wimpus spinelessness.” I started reading your columns and moved on to “The System.” Like all men who didn’t buy it at first, I regret not getting it earlier.
Jessica is 20 and majoring in interior decoration. She broke off a long abusive relationship a few months ago. I first saw her at a work meeting where she took a keen notice in me. When we finally got to talking we had good chemistry. I didn’t ask for her number then. We talked on Facebook, where I think I appeared a Challenge. I’d sometimes disappear offline, and she’d remark about me being mysterious.
Finally, I called and asked her out. She loved talking a lot on the phone. I know I’m not supposed to talk on the phone, but I didn’t know what to do when she was the one doing the talking, so I listened. That’s when she opened up about relationships, family, and everything else. As you advised, I didn’t open up to her on my past relationships.
During our date, she kept finding ways to bring up all these topics. I kept saying I didn’t want to talk about it. I asked her out again for the next week. But here is where I may have screwed up. She had a guy friend dropping by her home for a work project that day and I may have shown a hint of jealousy, which she noticed. She told me he was just a good friend, which I really had no problem with.
Now, this is where I think I started really messing up. My interest rose over 90%. Jessica and I started talking on the phone all the time. She told me her negative view on modern relationships. (She doesn’t believe they last.) I couldn’t help thinking she isn’t over her last relationship. Then she started being distant. She said she wasn’t sure she wanted to go out on another date. I told her that we should meet again when she was sure.
A couple days later I lost control of myself and called her five times in six hours before she finally picked up. I waited a few more days, then called her from an unknown number. I asked her out, but she told me she had a lot of things in her plate. She mentioned that her guy friend was leaving the country that weekend. I said to her, “He’s leaving on the weekend and you can’t meet me on Wednesday?”
I followed “The System” and deleted her number, and I’ve since ignored her on Facebook. Doc, is talking on the phone so lethal? What did I do wrong?
Rap - who’s feeling down
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DOC'S ANSWER
Hi Rap,
Thanks for the generous words. It simply astonishes me that a guy can read five to 10 of my articles when he’s not successful with women, agree with every word, and yet he just can’t get bring himself to buy “The System.” No, he’d rather stay in his funk and be a flop with the chicks. Amazing.
You should have asked for Jessica’s number right away. To you Psych majors, when you’re talking to a girl and you feel chemistry, ASK FOR HER NUMBER. You didn’t go by “The System,” Rap. Are you sure you really have it? I say at least 50 times in the book that you have to ASK FOR THE NUMBER IMMEDIATELY.
You can’t be a Challenge to Jessica on Facebook. You’re a Challenge when you’re in front of the girl and you don’t call her for five to nine days. You got Challenge all mixed up, my friend.
What you should have said to Jessica when she was blabbing on the phone was, “I’d like to talk to you longer, but let’s save if for our date.” In other words, tie the date down and hang up. You’re letting
Jessica run the telephone, which, by the way, is the MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON in the relationship. But you’re not aware of it even though, ironically, you have my book. So you don’t have my materials memorized, dude. STAYING OFF THE PHONE is one of the basic tenets of “The System.”
You shouldn’t have shown jealousy about this other guy. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You might be dying on the inside, but on the outside you’re always perfect.” When she said she didn’t believe relationships lasted, you should have come back with, “That’s because you don’t know me yet!”
When Jessica said she wasn’t sure she wanted to go out on another date with you, right there you were DEAD.
Her Interest Level is 49%, and that means you’re FINISHED. I got news for you, guy. She’s already sure – she’s sure you’re out!
It’s an insult to me that you have my book – with its chapter on TELEPHONE BLUNDERS – and you called a girl five times in six hours. This shows me you’re completely out of control, you have no self-discipline, and you know nothing about “The System.” And by the way, you’re still a wimp.
Finally, Jessica told you that she had lots of things on her plate – and you weren’t one of them. The only thing you did right here was deleting Jessica’s number. The rest was nothing but a mountain of errors.
Yes, the telephone is deadly. That’s why there’s an entire chapter devoted to it in my book. It’s under T — “TELEPHONE BLUNDERS.” I don’t know how you managed to miss it.
You did everything wrong with Jessica except drop her. You’re clueless, Rap. In order to remedy this, you have to read “The System” once a week for 15 weeks, then seven pages a night for the rest of your life. Otherwise you won’t get it.
Remember, guys: when she wants to spend more time with a guy who’s just a friend, you’re in a world of trouble.
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