Blog | Doc Love - Dating Advice For Men - Part 1351

14 Dating Women Advice: Can’t Get Over Her

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

SHE dominates his thoughts - HE doesn't even enter into her mind.  Guys, don't pine for a woman that could care less...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’ve been reading your articles for the past two years on and off, and it has definitely helped me with my game. But as I search for a specific article that addresses my problem, I can’t seem to find it.

I’m a college student and I’ve had a thing for Piper for a while now. She is not drop-dead gorgeous but she has a great body and a pretty face. At first she seemed interested in me. She gave me the typical signs, such as random texts, calls, etc. But as time passed, I made the major mistake you’ve warned all of us about: getting too attached. I got carried away with trying to start a relationship with her. I started to call her too frequently, like once a day.

Predictably, she grew distant. For the next two weeks she didn’t call or talk to me.

After those two weeks, I walked up to her after class and said hello. She told me bluntly that she had to talk to me. She pulled me aside and said “Okay, I’m ending this.” They were her exact words. I asked for a reason, and she said, “I don’t know.” I said all right and walked away.

It’s been quite a while now since I’ve last talked to Piper. The problem is that I’m not over her. I’ve come up with a few reasons why she lost the spark: her friends say that when things started to get serious she freaked. Another reason might be that she had a lot of things going on in her life during that time, like dance shows and such. But the real reason, I think, is that I got too attached to her. I realize my mistake now and I don’t know what to do.

Since this all happened, I’ve been dating around, but I still have feelings for Piper and I really want to have a relationship with her. Should I still try and go for it with her? If, so, how? Should I call her, send an email, letter or instant message? I’m torn between my logic and my emotions. My friends tell me to leave Piper behind, but I can’t get her out of my mind. Should I give it another shot, this time with the new knowledge that I’ve acquired from the girls I’ve been recently dating, or should I just move on?

I would appreciate some feedback.

Winston - who can’t seem to forget her

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Winston,

The reason you can’t find a specific article that addresses your problem is that you don’t have my book and you’re only reading my articles off and on. As my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You’re doing everything half-assed!”

And let me tell you that if you’d bought “The System” and read all of my articles, you wouldn’t be writing me right now. But like so many guys, you don’t want to invest in the best material for dealing with women and relationships you’ll ever get your hands on. By going el cheapo, you’ve screwed yourself, pal.


If Piper gave you some signs of interest, why didn’t you ask her out? Why didn’t you say “Let’s go out for pizza and Pepsi Thursday at six. Can you make it?” You didn’t close the deal, Winston.

You have to ask for the order in sales, but you just went back and forth with this girl without asking her out. That was your first problem.

But you don’t know about closing because you don’t have my book – where the topic is covered in great detail — and you only read some of my articles.


To you Psych majors, you don’t just start a relationship with a girl. You ask for her phone number and you take her out and you build something date upon date. But you just called Piper every day and said nothing and accomplished nothing.

There’s a chapter in my book called TELEPHONE BLUNDERS that you obviously have not seen or read. It tells you to STAY OFF THE PHONE. And you’ve read my articles on and off for two years? Are you sure you have the right love doctor?


Of course Piper grew distant when you kept calling her. She was telling you that she was turned off and not interested in you. You should have asked her if she had a girlfriend for you and moved on right then and there.


When Piper pulled you aside and told you she was ending it, what it meant was that she has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever. Ironically, you’re reading my articles and you’ve learned nothing from them.

Piper told you she was not interested and practically screamed “Don’t project your Interest Level onto me! I’m not physically attracted to you – get the drift?” When she said she didn’t know why she was ending it, she didn’t want to come right out and say “Go home and look in the mirror.”


You might not be over Piper, but she’s certainly over you. In fact, she never even started being interested in you. You’re living in a fantasy here, Winston.

You’re the typical guy who has 90% Interest Level, knows nothing about women in spite of the fact that you claim to have read my articles, and this girl’s interest in you is ZERO. The most important factor in a relationship is the girl’s Interest Level and Piper hasn’t shown you any buying signals whatsoever. Now you’re going to keep hassling her when she told you in essence to get lost.

Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Next, she’s going to call the cops and get a restraining order on you.” And I wouldn’t blame her for doing it.


Piper didn’t lose the spark. She never had the spark. This girl from day one never cared for you. Then you went and talked to her girlfriends about her! Why don’t you bring her parents in next? Dude, you never even had a first date with this girl! Yes, she had other things going on in her life – things she was interested in, and you weren’t one of them!


Winston, you are too attached to Piper, but you’re attached to someone who doesn’t even like you. That’s the sad part, and you don’t even see it. Piper isn’t merely indifferent towards you — she actively doesn’t like you. That’s all there is to it.


What should you do? Move on. Buy my book and learn what you’re doing wrong — and you’re doing everything wrong.


Now let me get this straight. You’re dating around and you still don’t have my book and yet you come to me for advice? What college are you in, by the way? Do they really give out degrees where you go?


Despite everything, you still want to have a relationship with Piper. What does she have to do, send over a couple of bikers to break your legs before you take the hint?


Remember, guys: you get one shot per girl per lifetime.

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