Hey Doc,

I’m 22 and discovered your columns and book two years ago. I have to tell you that there is a lot of challenge in dating going on out there. In my country – Turkey -- women are much more powerful than men, and there are lots of wimps who don’t have a clue about women.

Anyway, I met Sidika, 23, at my office. I got her phone number two weeks after we started working together, but I didn’t call her. Sidika and I had to work together for a month – just the two of us. Our work hours were long: 10 hours on average per day. So we saw each other and talked a lot. Being a Challenge was hard for me, but when I talked about myself, I always kept it short, funny and positive. I know a lot more about Sidika than she knows about me. She even talked about some of her past relationships. The guys she talked about always acted badly, and in her mind she was the victim.

Then I quit my job. One week later, I called Sidika and asked her for a Starbucks date. She said okay without hesitation. One day before meeting, she called to confirm. The date was fun, I made her laugh a lot and also asked questions about her life. At the end of the date, she said she liked it and we should meet often. I did not answer.

After eight days I called her to set up an amusement park date. She agreed without hesitation again.

But four hours before the date, Sidika texted me that she was very tired and wanted to eat instead. I accepted because she offered me an alternative.

During the date, I questioned Sidika about the reason for the sudden change from the amusement park date to a dinner date and I learned that she did not like the amusement park, which was a lie, by the way. The date was okay, but I did not detect any enthusiasm in her. We talked about the same stuff we talked about on the previous date. There was no touching on either date and I did not kiss her at the end of the second date. I smell something bad.

Doc, my gut is telling me that this has no future. I want to get your thoughts on this subject.

Monty - who is at a crossroads

Hi Monty,

There might indeed be a lot of challenges in dating going in the world, but you shouldn’t worry because you have the best tool of all in your hands: “The System.” My book cuts across all cultural boundaries, which means that its techniques and rules are effective whether you live in Montana or Mongolia. It works WORLDWIDE.

It’s really good that you kept it all short, funny and positive when you were talking about yourself to Sidika. Most guys start bragging when the subject is themselves, but it’s a complete turnoff to a clinically sane woman. Good move, Monty.

But you shouldn’t have asked Sidika on a Starbucks date. Starbucks dates are for people who you’ve talked to for only three to five minutes – in other words, people you’ve just met and don’t know. But you worked with Sidika. You already got to know a little something about her. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “If you do a Starbucks date now, you come off as cheap.”

You should have taken Sidika to dinner instead because you’ve already completed the preliminaries with this girl.

When she said that you two should meet often after the first date, you should have said “What a great idea! I never would have thought of that myself,” then given her a wink and a smile. In other words, top it off with humor.

Now let me get this straight. Four hours before your amusement park date Sidika decides that she’s tired and wants to eat instead? Think about this, buddy. Forget Interest Level — this is a simple matter of manners here. Sidika has none. You put yourself out, you were going to pay for the date, and Sidika pulls the rug right out from under you.

Dude, she’s not tired. And this has nothing do with eating. It’s nothing but a broken date, that’s all.

Sidika simply handed you some phony excuse for no good reason. Women do this all the time, by the way. An hour to four hours before a date they come up with some lame excuse why they can’t do something you’ve already agreed upon. The ball is down to the two-yard line when they decide to dig up a weak reason why they can’t follow through. But Sidika did offer you an alternative, so you had no choice but to take it.

How do you know it was a lie that Sidika doesn’t like amusement parks? You don’t give me any evidence for that opinion. That aside however, what girl DOESN’T like an amusement park? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Everybody on earth likes an amusement park!”

Of course you didn’t detect any enthusiasm from Sidika because there was none. You didn’t talk about anything fresh over dinner because you had nothing new to say and she wasn’t helping you. Don’t forget, guys: when a girl likes you, she actually HELPS you! So you know what that dead conversation means, Monty.

You should have kissed Sidika anyway at the end of the second date. You always kiss the girl at the end of the second date. If you had, you would have at least gotten a very clear idea of where you stood. The problem here is that Sidika went out with you only because she worked with you. She didn’t really want to spend time with you on a second date so she handed you a phony excuse about not liking amusement parks.

If she had no Interest Level in you, Sidika shouldn’t have offered you an alternative. But what really happened here was that after the first date you were out, that’s what you have to realize. This is no surprise to me. To you Psych majors, until you get 10 or 12 dates in with a girl, you can’t believe anything she says or does. That’s what happened with Sidika. Because she went to dinner with you doesn’t mean she digs you romantically.

Remember, guys: you don’t want to be with a lady who doesn’t like amusement parks.