If you have a good girl that wants a ring then it's dumb to be a "challenge" to her - commit already!

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Hey Doc,

I’ve had your book for four years and have read it dozens of times. Here’s the situation. Cassie has wanted me to commit to her for six months now. She is 27. However, my Interest Level has historically crept up slowly with women.

Cassie has seemingly shown many signs of high interest: never turns down any of my invites, plans activities for us, has tended to me every time I’ve been sick, and excitedly introduced me to her parents (big deal for her, since she’s a conservative girl). Despite being frustrated by my hesitance to commit, Cassie has stuck by me, and has shunned the advances of other guys.

Anyway, here’s the kicker. One morning she invites me over for breakfast at her apartment. I tell her I can’t make it, but can come for dinner. Over dinner, she brings up how she has “underlying frustration” regarding my uncertainty about us. I told her that I’m coming around to the fact of us being together. She looked stunned and teared up. She then lectured me about how she has built up “emotional walls” against me in fear that I was one day going to choose another girl. She said she fears those walls may be too thick, and that she now needs some time to “think about things and process” the situation. She then told me that she hopes I understand her frustration. She asked that I spend the night with her, but in order to be a Challenge (and to clear my mind), I told her that may not be the best idea, and for her to take some time to herself.

Cassie has contacted me every day since then, asking if I’m okay and complaining that I’ve been more quiet than usual. However, she has not said that she is ready to let her guard down and be with me. In short, Doc, this woman had 90%-plus Interest Level for months, asked to be with me for a while, I finally obliged, and now she seems too scared to do it.

It feels like the tables have completely flipped, though I’d say my interest is still in the “safe” mid 70s. Do I need to have patience with this woman while she “processes things,” or is that all malarkey? Am I out? Is she in the dreaded 49% or lower interest zone? Is it time to cease all contact with her, cut the losses and go and get loaded up on other girls’ home phone numbers?

Dee - who feels like he’s still on top of it

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Hi Dee,

It’s great that your Interest Level climbs up slowly. I wish more guys would be like you. As soon as most guys even set eyes on a girl their Interest Level is 90%! So it’s good that you have some Self-Control.

Now let’s look at what you’ve got here. You have the perfect girl in Cassie, she has time in with you, and “The System” says that it’s okay for her to ask for a commitment. She’s already shown you her character, she treats you great (and your Interest Level is lower than hers so you are being objective), and from reading my book you can distinguish a good girl from a bad one. Finally, she shuns the advances of other guys, so she has the all-important quality of Loyalty. So what in the world are you waiting for?
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