What To Do When She Tries To Control You
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Dear Doc,
I have a very cool wife. She’s gorgeous. We have mutually high romantic Interest Level in each other. She has a fantastic attitude. She’s flexible. She’s a giver. She’s as loyal and trustworthy as a Police dog. She’s intelligent, sophisticated and a very talented singer and songwriter. In fact, we perform and sing together at different coffeehouses in Southern California.
It’s the best relationship I’ve ever had in my life, and it just seems to get better and better as the months go by. We’ve been married now for ten months, and I can’t believe how much I love married life.
There’s just one little thing that she does that seems to be a slight problem, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Every once in awhile, and I really do mean every once in awhile, like maybe once every three weeks or so, she’ll tell me to do something rather than ask me. It’s almost like she’s giving me an order. She only does it once and then it doesn’t happen again for weeks.
The last time it happened we were about to go to sleep, and she said,” Turn out the bathroom light.” She didn’t say, “Would you turn out the bathroom light?” or “Honey, can you turn out the bathroom light?” She just said it like a command: “Turn out the bathroom light.”
When she does that, it just throws me for a loop, and I don’t know what to say or do. The way I’ve been handling it is that I wait about a minute or so (so that I don’t look like I’m just jumping through hoops) and then I do what she wants. But I think there’s probably a better way to handle the situation. I’d like to respond in a way that shows her the error of her ways without seeming like I’m uptight and out of control. Any suggestions, Doc?
Franko – who wants to deal with all this
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In every romantic male/female relationship, there are always going to be minor things that each partner does that irritate the other.
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, no such thing as two people being 100% compatible.
So, on the one hand, you could say, “Gee, she has a fantastic attitude 99.2% of the time, and once every three weeks she acts like a traffic cop for one minute. I can live with that.” But, I say, it’s worth testing to see if you can eliminate her annoying habit of ordering you around. It’s better to eliminate any potential for feeling resentment, if possible.
I recommend letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable in a playful and humorous way. The idea is to take a stand without being reactive or whiney or pouty. So, the next time she gives you an order, you can say something like; “Yes, Ma’am Master Drill Sergeant Ma’am!’ Stand in front of her, snap to attention and salute her. (Make a mockery of the situation.) Then follow her instructions. Next, go back to her and say, “Task completed Master Drill Sergeant Ma’am, Private Franko awaiting further orders, Ma’am.” That will get your message across.
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When you do a skit like this, you’re setting limits and letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable without coming off as an uptight Macho Boy. Using humor is the best approach and it’s often very effective.
Then, if she happens to give you another order in the months that follow, drive home your message again with a different comedy skit. When she says: “Bring me the telephone,” say; “This little puppy dog can fetch better and faster than any other doggie on the block. If I’m really quick, will I get a doggie biscuit for a reward?” Say this as you fall to your knees, pant and grovel. And as you adopt this physical posture, give her a great big grin. Hopefully, after that, she’ll terminate her unloving behavior
Remember, guys, if she’s chronically doing something you don’t like, use humor to change her.
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