Hey Doc,

I’m 50, look 40, and act 30. I met Farah, 36, on an online dating site. Her profile said she was only interested in men 37 to 47. I messaged her that her profile was humorous, but since I am out of her age range I wished her well. This made her want to know more about me. We are both into the outdoors and shooting sports so I invited her to meet at my cabin (I also own a separate home a few miles away) where we could hike, do some target shooting and have dinner. I realize it isn’t Doc’s preferred Starbucks first meeting, but given the distance and our parenting schedules (we’re both divorced with kids), we went for it.

We really hit it off. I’ve had over 90 first dates since getting divorced four years ago and it was definitely one of the best. Farah told me I far exceeded her expectations and it was one of the best dates she had ever had.

The following weekend I asked when I could see her again. We made arrangements to attend an event 45 minutes from my cabin with our kids. I offered her the use of my cabin to spend the night so they would not have to drive home late. She readily accepted the offer.

I told Farah it was atypical for my daughter to meet someone I had a romantic interest in, but considering the distance and circumstance of the event, I made the decision to go ahead with it. Doc, the evening was fantastic. Her kids are great, and we had fun, laughs, and all that. At my suggestion, after the event we all went and played laser tag at a nearby amusement center then had a late dinner. We then drove up to my cabin and got the kids settled in. Farah and I then chatted privately for about an hour. My daughter and I ended up driving home at 2:30 AM.

The next day Farah texted me briefly with a couple of selfies. She told me how much she enjoyed spending time with me and learning about each other. Now, suddenly, there’s been zero contact. On Christmas Eve after a week of nothing, I texted her Merry Christmas. I received no reply until Christmas Day, when she texted me Merry Christmas. It has now been five days and I’ve received nothing from her. In your opinion, what the heck happened? She’s often been late getting back to me, but nothing like this. Do you think she’s lost interest already?

Warren - who thought it was going really well

Hi Warren,

Whether you knew it or not, you used CHALLENGE when you told Farah that you were out of her age range and that you wished her well. What you were indirectly saying was that you were interested in her, but then you withdrew your offer. When you said good luck to her, you were telling her that you were walking away. Of course at the age of 50 you weren’t that far off from what Farah wanted in a man. But the main point is that you were a Challenge, and you didn’t even know it.

You shouldn’t have been meeting Farah’s kids. Why? Kids resent the new guy in the house. They want the real father, not you. That’s why you shouldn’t meet them until they’re 18 years old and out of the house.

Then you went and offered your cabin to Farah and her entire family. Dude, you should be giving your cabin to your girlfriend or fiancé. I realize that both of you had a distance problem, but Farah and her kids should have gotten a hotel. Like most guys you gave away too much too soon. You met her kids and you spent way too much time with her. In other words, you MASSACRED Challenge. This woman knew pretty much everything there is to know about you from the beginning.

Then, after the event, you went out to dinner and an amusement center. Warren, you did too much too soon with this woman and her kids. You were trying to cram eight weeks of dating into a couple days. On top of it all, you spent time talking to Farah after all of this activity. To you Psych majors, all of this stuff should be spread out over a long period of time instead of jammed into less than 24 hours. Again, like most men, you don’t know how to spoon-feed yourself.

The reason there’s been zero contact is because Farah met someone else and/or you gave away the store. Why did you text her Merry Christmas after not hearing from her? Now you’re begging, pal. And what do I tell you guys? Don’t try to see any woman from December 15 to January 3. And you went against that, Warren. If you listen to my Dating Women Radio Show, I start talking about this subject three months prior to the Christmas holidays. Guys who don’t have girlfriends should stay away from anyone they’re dating during that period because, like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Everyone has jingle bells in their head.”

So what happened is that Farah met a guy who didn’t give away the store on the first date. Of course she’s lost all interest in you. You’re out, my friend. You did so much for this woman on that second date that your wad was shot. Basically you squeezed five dates into one, guy! She quickly got bored, then ran into someone else and the guy beat you out. End of story.

Remember, guys: just because you have high Interest Level in her doesn’t mean she has high Interest Level in you.