Hey Doc,

I’m a Doc Love convert from South America. I only found your work after a breakup. I was dating Lily for a year when she received a scholarship to study in Europe for six months. I went and visited her there twice, by her request. The second time I went we had a huge fight. She was very rude and disrespectful to me, so I packed my bags and left, and I never looked back.

Two months after she got back, she contacted me to say she was sorry. Lily is organized, intelligent, self-reliant, and Flexible, but she sometimes has a very bad temper. She is aware of that. And I’ve always been the nice guy and never a Challenge. I was always available and made many mistakes that I would continue making if I never found “The System.” Anyway, we started going out again. But after four months she began to act very flaky, and even though she said she loved me, I was getting mixed signals. So I decided to leave her. At that time I had no knowledge about Interest Level, but by intuition I knew my interest was higher than hers.

Since I left Lily she’s contacted me every month. I never text or call her, but out of nowhere she’ll text saying how our relationship was magical, and things like that. She asks for dates, we go out, but after a few days she gets cold again. I drop contact, a few weeks go by, then she contacts me again…we make a date, she goes cold again, and this cycle has been going on for seven months now. I never beg, never contact her, and I’m able to control my feelings even though my Interest Level is very high. I just wait for her to contact me and then make a date.

Two weeks ago we made a date. The day before the date she asked me to sleep at her house and I said no. The next day, she broke the date (she seemed angry). I didn’t reply to her text, but instead went into silent mode again.

I found your work two months ago. I’m a dedicated student, I’ve read your book seven times, made notes, I listen to the audios every day, I've been dating other girls, and now I’m a Doc Love Club member. My question is about Interest Level. Lily never formally broke our relationship (at least not with words) but I know that when I left her the first and second times, my Interest Level was super high, and hers was low. But I need your help on this one. How low was her Interest Level? Would you say below 49% (which means I’m out) or 51% (I still have a chance)? I need you to set me straight on this one.

Ezekiel - who’s trying to not get burned

Hi Ezekiel,

First of all, you have a problem with Lily because you’re in a long distance relationship with her. This girl moved halfway around the world from you for six months. Couldn’t she find a college in your town?

If Lily is in love with you, why did she leave you for six months? This is a HUGE RED FLAG. To you Psych majors, girls with 90% Interest Level don’t leave their boyfriends.

You tell me that Lily has all these great qualities but a terrible temper. You might as well tell me that she’s honest, is nice to dogs, faithfully attends church…but she likes to steal cars! Dude do you realize what you’re involved with here? Like my cousin General Love says, “Do you want to live in a minefield?”

And the really great thing about a girl with a nasty temper is that you never know when it’s going to erupt! So here you have a long distance relationship with a girl who acts like a stick of dynamite. Are you sure it’s my book you read, Ezekiel?

But after all of this stress and anguish and humiliation, you started going out again with Lily. What were you thinking? Huge, HUGE mistake! Don’t you remember being run out of Europe by this girl? Gee, you have a lot to learn!

Then Lily started acting flaky even though she said she loved you. You don’t go by what she says, you go by what she does. I will say that you do have some brains, however, if you understood that your interest was higher than hers. There’s hope for you yet!

But why... 

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