Men Who Marry Drifters: A Cautionary Tale
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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).
Hello Doc,
Well, I guess I already know the answer to my question, but I’ll give you my story anyway.
After six years of marriage, my normally very loyal, dedicated wife announced that she was interested in someone else and wasn't sure she loved me anymore!
When she and I met nine years ago, she was trying to get out of her first marriage and was a mess. In spite of this, I took her and her two children in, and became her source of strength for nine years. Now, suddenly, she says she’s tired of the “oppression” of our relationship, and just wants to “lighten up” and have fun.
I agreed to leave the house in order to give her time to sort out her feelings; but after a few days, I couldn't bear it - so I returned home, begging her not to throw away what I thought was a great relationship and family. She agreed to try to work things out, but after a month, her effort went from half-hearted to non-existent. When I confronted her about this, I found out that she had maintained contact with the other guy and wanted me to leave the house again to give her “a few weeks more” to think. Again, I acquiesced.
Weeks turned to months. After four months, she decided that, despite feeling overwhelming guilt, she wanted to pursue a relationship with the other guy, and I was out. She said I was too intense and too wrapped up in work and making money (though she definitely paced me on the spending side of the equation), while the other guy was a happy, relaxed free spirit who made her feel young again!
So, now I'm out and he's in - and I'm about to get raked over the coals by the divorce courts; it seems that my money and his personality are the perfect combination for her. Throughout the six months that this thing unwound, my confidence and inner-strength slowly evaporated until I could see nothing in her eyes but contempt for me. Nevertheless, I still expect her to come back one day. Am I just dreaming?
Al - who wants to know if he is a total dope
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