Hey Doc,

I dated Lori for 15 months and we were crazy about each other. It was by far the happiest period of my life and I don’t regret one second of it. But during this period we both parted to go to different colleges and we were determined to keep things working. As you can imagine, we both started developing new lives at our colleges but we still visited each other once a week. Towards the end of our relationship

Lori’s social life shot up and she said that when she visited me she felt like she was missing out back at her college because there would be all these great stories of what had happened when she was gone. This made me feel sad because she should have been the one coming back with the stories about how nice her time was when she visited me.

Anyway, we broke up. Lori started ringing me when she was drunk, telling me that she missed my company. I felt like she still loved me and wanted to be with me. There were many drunken instances like this after which I distanced myself and focused on spending time with friends. Occasionally I would send her a message asking how she was doing. I asked her how she felt about us and if in an ideal world she would want to be back with me, but she said that she didn’t feel like she could have a relationship with me during college.

More time passed and I was moving on with my life. One drunken night I got it into my head that Lori and I could start fresh so I went over to her house during a college break only to see her being hugged by another guy on her front porch. Stupidly, I told her afterwards that I still loved her and it hurt to see her with another guy. At that point I realized that I needed to cut off all contact with her and maybe in the future build a friendship. She told me the guy was just a friend and that if she wasn’t in college and was living closer to me that she would be with me because she still has feelings for me but the circumstances just don’t allow for it.

Doc, I’m seriously confused and don’t know what to read from the situation. Lori says that she wants us to be together after college but I told her that I don’t want to wait around for a few years hanging onto a sliver of hope that she won’t change her mind. She is very angry that I told her I can’t be her friend and said that if she were in my shoes she would just suck it up and feel privileged to be my friend rather than cutting me out of her life. Do I just give up on her, or do I talk to her and start taking her out on dates to try and rekindle what we had in order to make her realize that if we both worked at it, we could have a happy relationship through college?

Mose - who feels tortured

Hi Mose,

Let me get this straight. Lori moved away from you? And you moved away from her? In other words, you’re not seeing each other! You and she should have gone to the same college. If she was so in love with you she should have offered to go to the same college as you. So why did you two go separate ways? Right there you were DEAD. This thing is over. To you Psych majors, when a girl wants to go to another college where you’re not enrolled, IT’S OVER.

If Lori feels like she’s missing something when she’s with you, she’s in love with her new college more than she’s in love with you! She’s telling you indirectly that you’re out. In addition, your Interest Level is in the 90s and you don’t have my book, which makes everything worse. Is it any wonder you can’t figure out what’s going on? Lori’s moved on, pal. That’s what’s going on here.

The best thing you’ve said so far is this: “She should have been the one coming back with the stories about how nice her time was when she visited me.” And you’re absolutely right, pal! But here’s the problem: Lori’s Interest Level is below 50%.

Guy, you and Lori didn’t break up. She dropped you. Women drop men 90% of the time. That’s what really happened here.

When Lori called you drunk and said she missed you, you should have said...

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