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Hey Doc,

I am a great believer in “The System.” Morgan, who works at my office, was giving me strong buying signals, for instance, flirting, trying to get my attention by raising her voice when I was nearby, or laughing with other guys in front of me, getting jealous when I flirted with other girls and more. The more I employed Challenge, the more these signals would be incoming.

On one occasion, I threw out in mid conversation, “Hey, do you want to do dinner next Tuesday?” I watched for any hesitation, but she very enthusiastically said, “I would love to and it will be fun.” She did not hesitate for even a second. We continued chatting, and a few minutes later, she told me that she was not sure if she would be in the city that day and needed to check as she might be delayed on a business trip. I should have said, “Call me when you have a good day,” thus putting the onus on her, but I screwed up and the situation was left in the air. Note she didn’t counteroffer. It just so happens that my best friend works in the same office as us and told me her story checks out -- Morgan was definitely telling the truth and was not in the city.

I waited 15 days, then tried calling her but she didn’t pick up (Red Flag). A few hours later she texted me that she noted a missed call from me. I texted back asking if she wanted to get a bite Monday night (five days away). She waited a day to respond (big Red Flag). She said she would prefer Tuesday for a lunch date (Red Flag). I countered with “Let’s do dinner on Tuesday at seven.” She did not text back to confirm. I now think she was trying to gently get out of dinner and trying to friend-zone me. I felt in my gut that something was very wrong. I texted Morgan three hours before we were supposed to meet and said, “Are you still on?” She texted back that she had an upset stomach and wanted to take a rain check.

As Morgan did not counteroffer, I have written her off completely. In the following days we crossed paths a few times and she avoided me and pretended to not see me. I am not going to ask Morgan out ever again as she broke the date. But I can’t understand how a girl can go from hot to as cold as ice over such a short period -- I wasn’t even around to lower her Interest Level! Could it be due to her age?

She turned 23 last month and I am 27. Was Morgan just flirting with me to boost her self-esteem and just had low Interest Level all along? Do you think she was annoyed that I did not ask her out again for 15 days and this lowered her interest below 50%?

Colt - who’s trying to figure her out

Hi Colt,

It was great that you were flirting with other girls in front of Morgan — good move. But then you turned around and committed a blunder by saying let’s do dinner. You ask for the phone number, guy. First you ask for her phone number then you wait a week to call her. So you jumped the gun here, Colt.

Another blunder was not withdrawing the offer of a date when Morgan said she didn’t know whether she was going to be in the city. To you Psych majors, when you’re faced with a “definite maybe” date, you WITHDRAW THE OFFER because they never work out. And why didn’t you ask Morgan what day would be good for her? You should have helped her out by finding a date when she was 100% sure that she could make it. Another blunder, Colt. You didn’t pin this thing down.

Then you went and got information from another guy at work about a girl you’re interested in. Dude, you shouldn’t be talking to ANYBODY there about Morgan. How do you know that your buddy isn’t after Morgan? For all you know, he’s a Blocker backstabbing you.

Then you waited 15 days – much too long — to call Morgan again. You’re only supposed to wait a week, man. And you don’t know that Morgan was trying to put you in the friend zone. You don’t know this girl at all, so you can’t possibly know what she was thinking, and you can’t jump to any conclusions on this situation. When Morgan told you that she was available for lunch, you tried to change it to dinner, which was yet another blunder. You should have grabbed her offer for lunch, Colt. That way you would have at least been in front of her face.

Then Morgan decided that she wanted a rain check for your offer of a dinner date. This girl did EVERYTHING to make sure she didn’t have to go out with you short of coming right out and saying “No, thank you!” When you flirt with all these other girls at work, Morgan just likes to be in on the action. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “She just wants someone to play with at work.” And that’s the end of it. So you were actually in the friend zone from day one with this girl.

To write someone off, you have to be in with her. You were never in with Morgan, my friend. You never asked for her phone number in order to test her Interest Level, and when she gave you a date, you changed it. So you were nowhere with her.

Now Morgan pretends not to see you. In other words, you had your chance with her and you blew it. Why are you shocked that Morgan’s interest tanked? You never had a relationship with her. And you never even had one date with her. Heck, you never even asked for her phone number! You say you love “The System,” but you don’t go by it, Colt.

This girl never gave you anything in terms of interest. She only reacted to you when you were flirting with other girls. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She wanted to get in on the act, but not the act of actually going out with you.” You didn’t lower her Interest Level because it was low to begin with.

Morgan’s age is definitely a factor here. At the age of 27, you should be dating a girl who’s 24, or 25, or 26, not someone who just turned 23. This thing has nothing to do with Morgan’s Self- Esteem. She just saw the other girls giggling and wanted to have some fun, and that was the extent of your relationship.

Once again, you never even asked for her phone number. And yes, you waited too long to call her. You should only have waited a week, not 15 days. Again, you didn’t follow the rules of “The System,” which you swear that you love!

Remember, guys: ask for her phone number before you do anything else.