Hey Doc,

I bought “The System” a long time ago but didn’t start reading and practicing it until about a year and a half ago. It’s great and it works. A heartfelt THANK YOU.

Here’s my problem. I’ve been dating Skye for 16 months. We have interests in common and she can be
giving, but she is needy, selfish, and jealous. She wants more, more, and more of my time. I try to be scarce with her and make our time together count. I do see children and a family in the future, but not nagging and neediness.

Here’s what happened last night. I wanted to do something nice for Skye so I took time from my busy schedule to get her two bonbons and wrote a little romantic note. She called me at home to say thank you, but then she went on a tongue lashing about what’s going on with our relationship, and how she wants more, and how we are not seeing each other enough. We had a date planned for today but I won’t take her because she didn’t earn it. My time is valuable and I didn’t like being treated like crap for doing something nice.

Doc, I’m thinking of your teachings right now. I don’t chase women -- they come to me. I have a great, busy life and not enough time to do everything I want to do. Do I really want to deal with a woman who is needy and jealous and nagging? The writing is on the wall. If a woman loves a man, shouldn’t she be trying to keep him? You say to check the Bottom Line. Does the Bottom Line here say that Skye’s Interest Level is dropping? I am having trouble getting myself to raise it because of her nagging.

The toughest thing for me is telling Skye that she is misbehaving. I’m resisting moving in with her and having kids, which she has brought up.

Bryan - who is on the fence at this point

Hi Bryan,

Thanks very much for the compliment. And more importantly, thanks for setting your ego aside. A real man has the ability to SET HIS EGO ASIDE and see the truth for what it is.

Now let’s get real here. If Skye is needy, selfish and jealous, she’s OUT. Simple as that. Bryan, what does “The System” say about women who are needy, selfish and jealous? Do you really want to live with someone like that for 40 years? Are you going to be able to sit down and discuss things rationally with someone who displays these awful traits?

The truth is that you should already have dropped this girl instead of enduring her for 16 months. If you really had my book down, you would have dropped Skye after two months and not spent 16 months’ worth of time and money on her. Do you realize how much money you’ve spent on this girl, at $80 or $90 per date? This thing was dead in the water from the beginning because Skye is no good. 

You can influence Interest Level, but you CANNOT INFLUENCE ATTITUDE. 

To you Psych majors, you want someone who’s easy to get along with and who doesn’t argue over nothing – because that’s the right Attitude.

If Skye wants more, more and more of your time, why don’t you just tell her adios? I’ll tell you why — because your Interest Level is way too high. You’re seeing all of Skye’s many flaws, but you don’t have the guts to leave. You’re not seeing her negatives as deal-killers, which they are.

Let me get this straight – you’re buying gifts and writing notes to someone who is jealous, needy and selfish? You might have read my book, dude, but you didn’t MEMORIZE and INTERNALIZE it. You understand “The System” intellectually, but not emotionally. And the result is that Skye controls and owns you.

You’re right that you shouldn’t be treated poorly for doing something nice. But this happens all the time with Skye. It’s not like every six months you two have a minor disagreement. Skye treats you badly all the time, Bryan. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You don’t realize the mess you’re in.” You see it intellectually, but you don’t get it emotionally.

You say that women come to you, Bryan. But what kind of women? Do you really want to deal with tongue lashings on Valentine’s Day and Christmas and Skye’s birthday because you bought her the wrong color blouse? Do you really want to go through this for the next 40 years and have children with this woman? Do you really want to bring children up with Skye when you sit around arguing with her day after day like most married couples? You really are clueless, Bryan. Are you sure you bought the right book?

Of course you don’t want to deal with a woman who is needy, jealous and nagging. That’s why you’re going to dump Skye. She doesn’t care about keeping you. You’re fighting something you can’t change – her Attitude, and she has a horrible Attitude.

This disaster has nothing to do with Interest Level and has everything to do with that ATTITUDE. 

There are different components to a relationship: Interest Level, which you can raise or lower, and Attitude, which you can’t touch – because it’s the way she’s built. 

Trying to change Skye’s structure is like buying a car with an automatic transmission, then telling the salesman to take it out and put a six-speed in it. It’s cheaper to buy a whole new car than trying to change transmissions.

You keep talking about nagging and Skye’s Interest Level. They are mutually exclusive. It doesn’t matter if Skye’s interest is 51% or 99% — it’s her Attitude that’s the problem here. You’ve probably read my book only once, pal. I tell you that you have to read it once a week for 15 weeks in order to lay your foundation properly. It’s like taking a calculus class in college – you have to study hard and not cut any corners.

Finally, think about this. You’re already arguing constantly with Skye and you’re considering kids and a family? In other words, you want to have even more arguments? Man, are you nuts?

Remember, guys: if she’s needy, selfish and jealous, move on to a new girl.