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(Editor's Note, this letter was written before Doc's death in August, 2020 but still relevant as Doc's principles are timeless).

He is fooling himself if he thinks this is going anywhere - read on...

Hey Doc,

I’m 19 and in the army. I know I seem way too young to be worrying about love, but I act really mature for my age. I met a 23-year-old girl, Sasha, in my unit and we fell hard for each other really quickly. For four months we were absolutely perfect together. After our training, we were both luckily stationed in Maryland, and while I’m from Texas and dislike being away from my home state, I love Sasha and didn’t care as long as I was with her.

Now here’s where the problem starts. Sasha goes away for two weeks for some more training and comes back with new friends, all guys. She told me earlier in our relationship that she had always had male friends because she hates girls. That wasn’t a problem for me since she was thousands of miles away from those guys and was all mine. But the day after she gets back from her training she wants to go and hang out with her new guy friends at a bar. I felt like a bomb hit me. When she asked if she could go, I immediately said no, but after a heated argument I felt bad and told her she could. She asked her new friends to go somewhere else so that I could go too (I’m too young to go to a bar) but they said no.

Sasha went and didn’t come back until late that night. We fought about it and she asked me to go back to Texas. She told me she still loves me and wants to come to Texas in three years once she’s finished with her active duty. She tells me every night now that she doesn’t want anyone but me and that she just wants to be alone until she can move to Texas to be with me. Doc, how do I get Sasha to stop hanging out with her guy friends (all of whom are either married or engaged) and how do I apologize for being so jealous when I should have trusted her?

Brendan - who doesn’t know how to handle it

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11/1/2023 - Can He (Should He?) Reconnect With An Ex??? (Dating Women Radio Show Episode 17)

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Hi Brendan,

You might be 19 and in the army and you might think you’re really mature for your age, but you don’t have a whole lot of what is called life experience. In other words you haven’t been around the block as much as the average 28-year-old. And that’s what you have to realize. Until you’re 23, 24, or 25, and the girl is the same age, you’re not really ready for a long-term relationship.

Your entire problem here is that when Sasha told you that she hated girls and only liked guy pals, she was giving you fair warning. Check the name of this column again, Brendan. It happens to read “Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen.” Sasha told you that she was into guys and that she hated girls. This means that when she’s your girlfriend or you decide you want to marry her, she’s always going to have guy friends. But you didn’t pay any attention to her. Now all of her friends might be perfectly nice fellows, but you can bet that at least a couple of them are going to try to put the moves on her. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “It’s the nature of the beast.”

Sasha might have already had lots of guy friends in Maryland and she just didn’t bring it up. Nevertheless, you always have to be prepared for her to pick up new male friends because she told you she was going to do it. Again, when she wanted to go and hang with guys at a bar, she warned you beforehand. She told you about her behavior up front. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

Instead of getting into a heated argument with Sasha when she told you she was going to hang at a bar with a gang of dudes, you should have said “Sure, honey, you go right ahead,” and then you should have gotten “The System” and figured out what to do. But you didn’t.

Now when these guy friends of Sasha’s decided you couldn’t come along and carouse with them, I hope you noticed that she went right along with their decision without putting up a fight. Like my cousin General Love says, “So much for loyalty!” What she should have said to those boys was, “If we’re all just buddy-buddy here and we can’t take my boyfriend along when we go out, then I’m not going with you.” She didn’t though, and as the old saying goes, “Her silence speaks volumes, grasshopper.”

It’s funny that when you tell Sasha she can’t do something, you end up in a heated argument, but when her guy friends tell her no, you can’t come along and party with them, she just goes along with them passively. She fights you, but she won’t fight them. Whose side is this lady on, anyway? I’d hate to see what she’d do if she wasn’t so in love with you, Brendan.

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When Sasha asked you to go back to Texas, it was over. When she argued with you instead of the guys, you were out. All these forces are against you, but you kept rushing into it with Sasha anyway, like most men do. And you rushed straight into rejection.

But Sasha wants to see you again -- in three years. Now think about that. For three years she’s going to be closing bars with a battalion of guys and at the end – over a thousand days later – she’s going to come and be with you in Texas. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Now what is the numerical probability of that happening?”

But Sasha insists – despite the fact that she wants you to stay halfway across the country -- that she loves only you. She loves you so much that she doesn’t want to be with you for three whole years. She’d rather be alone, and when she’s not alone she wants to go out with her guy friends drinking and partying while you just sit there in the Lone Star State with the cattle and wait for her like a good little boy. Does this make any sense whatsoever, guy?

Brendan, you can’t change Sasha from wanting to be with her guy friends because she has shown you clearly who she sides with. She wants to leave you at home and go out with the boys, and you can’t talk her into not doing that. But if she had 95% Interest Level in you and any loyalty whatsoever, she’d forget those guys. And you can’t apologize for being jealous. Should you have trusted her? Maybe. But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Think about how much you’re going to trust her when you’re deep in the heart of Texas waiting for her and she’s out at some bar with 10 guys.”

Remember, guys: when a girl doesn’t want to be with you for three years, it’s not a good sign.