Why Go Against The Very Thing In Dating That Made You Successful???
He had it all down in dating - but inexplicably went against the one thing that made him successful - can he recover? Doc breaks it down for our reader...
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Hey Doc,
I’m a freelance designer in my thirties who has been working for a company off and on for about six months. At this company, there is one girl in particular that I’ve grown very fond of.
Lately, I’ve been a little flirtier with her and she’s responded with smiles. I haven’t officially asked her out, but she’s asked me out to dinner after work twice. The first time we went out with other coworkers; the second time was just the two of us.
I didn’t follow up these dinners with any offers of my own for a while. Then a couple of weeks later, I finally told her that I wanted to get together again outside of work. She said yes, but unfortunately, she didn’t seem overly enthused about the idea.
I’ve talked with her since then, asking her about another freelancer that was working there – a woman. I don’t know why, but I acted like I was interested in her. In reality, I was just playing.
She seems to be interested in me, but I can’t be sure whether it’s romantic or just friendly. I don’t want to do anything stupid that would make it awkward for both of us to work together. So, tell me, Doc - is there a chance to start up a romantic relationship or have I already blown it?
Bill – who needs some coaching
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Hi Bill,
For someone using The “System” for the first time, you did a commendable job! You were a Challenge to this lady by hanging back, plus, you were observant when you noticed her Buying Signals. Nice going!
Most men don’t understand that dating, at times, is a waiting game. Unlike those brainwashed souls, Bill, you understood this. That’s why you didn’t come on your colleague right out of the chute (Your cautiousness may also help you some day in court – if she is the vicious type who likes to slap male coworkers with bogus Sexual Harassment suits!). In this woman’s mind, you were patient and had self-control. Only you and I know that you were scared!
When she asked you to join her and her coworkers to dinner, it was very encouraging… but when she asked you out a second time – jackpot! The man is always expected to be the aggressor in romantic relationships, so when a woman braves the fear of rejection and asks him out – twice - it’s a huge deal! You must have raised her Interest Level so high during the first dinner that you didn’t have to do anything to get a second dinner. Very impressive!
You had a roll going. If there ever was a chance of a third rendezvous, this was it. That’s why I’m sorry to give you the bad news: If you have read her enthusiasm level correctly, Bill, she will never ask you out again.
The fact that this girl didn’t jump at the chance for a third date with you tells me that during the second date, you turned her off. Such a sudden, drastic change in her enthusiasm indicates that you must have altered your dating approach between dates. If this is true, then my question is: Why change your love strategy when things are going so well for you?
In my years of studying female romantic choices, I have never seen The “System” fail at taking a sane woman with high Interest Level and a good attitude to the heights of romantic ecstasy. If you had followed The “System” to the letter during your second date, Bill, then your coworker would be your girlfriend by now.
Don’t feel bad, Bill - though you momentarily veered off the righteous path you did correct yourself and get back on track. Instead of chasing after your coworker in a vain attempt to compensate for your errors (like most guys would have done), you asked her about the other freelancer in the office - what a great move! It was 99% certain that this girl was through with you, yet you remembered the thing that got her attention in the first place: Challenge.
If there is the tiniest sliver of a chance that you have downplayed your coworker’s enthusiasm for you (and therefore, her Interest Level) Challenge will be your salvation. It will raise Miss Right’s Interest Level from 51% all the way to 99%. Challenge can even help you if she has a terminal case of low Interest Level (49% or lower) - it prevents you from making a fool of yourself, and thus, allows you to save face. In short - whether your romance is thriving or on its deathbed, Challenge is always the best medicine.
Bill, though you dropped the ball on the two-yard line, you will do much better in future dates. In time, you will master more and more of The “System” until one day, women will compete just to get next to you!
Remember guys, smart men know not to rest on their laurels after a couple of successful dates. That’s why they continue to use the principles that made them winners in the first place - the principles of The “System.”
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