Can Hard Times Lower Her Interest Level? Why Your Actions Matter More Than Her Stress
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Think her mood swings are due to stress? Think again. Doc Love reveals why a woman’s Interest Level depends on YOU—not her problems.
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Note: The reader's question and Doc's answer are 0% AI;100% Authentic
Hi Doc,
I have been dating this woman seriously for the past three months. Recently she has gone through some stressful times - for example: she got into a fight with her mom, a friend informed her that he had cancer, and she’s had difficulty with some of her college classes.
Another male friend of hers invited her to go to Las Vegas for the weekend, but she declined because she didn't want him to get the "wrong idea." I thought that was a great sign that our relationship meant something to her.
Her birthday is next week, so I invited her to go with me to Vegas over the weekend. She accepted my invitation at first, but then she said she didn't want to go because I told her I would be attending a convention for three hours on Saturday night. She said that though it would be a great time for her to catch up on her schoolwork, she didn't want to spend that much time alone. I told her I have friends up there now who would hang out with her during those three hours, but she still doesn't want to go.
I've been trying to attribute her behavior to it being due to the challenges she’s facing, but it's becoming more and more difficult to do so. Please help!
Harold – who wants to know how to cheer her up
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Let’s get something straight: just because your girlfriend turned down another guy's advances, it doesn't mean she did so for you. She may have chosen not to elope to Sin City with him out of a sense of integrity or because she feels nothing for the both of you! To get a more accurate reading of your beloved’s Interest Level in you, you will need to submit her to another set of trials.
Speaking of trials, Harold – though hard times may be influencing your girlfriend’s moods, they wouldn’t have had any effect on her feelings towards you. In fact, nothing can raise or lower that score; not family arguments at home, not the health of her friends, not her Art History class – none of that. Nothing can cause a drop in a woman’s Interest Level except for one thing: the man’s actions.
Harry, your girlfriend’s quibbling over spending a measly three hours in a hotel room by herself showed that she wasn’t turned off by the trip to the Nevada desert as much as she was turned off by you. You need to stop making excuses for her broken date (which is a mortal sin according to The “System”) and start asking yourself: “Could any of my past actions have possibly turned her off?” The answer may surprise you.
To start with, I know you committed a no-no when you tried to use this pleasure trip to kill two birds with one stone. If you are trying to be romantic with your Lady Love, you cannot cut a date in two, with a three-hour work break in between. If it's her birthday, you should give her 100% of your attention (On the other hand, if she were flexible and had high Interest Level, she probably would have overlooked your faux pas and allowed you to mix a little business with her pleasure - more on your girlfriend’s Interest Level later.).
Your choice of rendezvous destinations caused another problem. By choosing Lost Wages, you copied another guy's date idea - which made you look like you put no effort into coming up with a surprise of your own, which diluted the power of your gift. Couldn't you have thought of something original?
Gifts are a big deal to women. When men do something they hate in order to surprise a woman (like shopping), she gives him points for being romantic - and romance is one third of the male magic formula that keeps a woman in love with a guy, even if he is an uncouth, lumbering Neanderthal! Most guys don't realize how important the right gift at the right time is - until they get the wrong gift and Miss Right’s Interest Level takes a dip. I’m sorry you had to find this out the hard way, buddy.
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One other unfortunate aspect of your gift mimicry, Harold, is that you inadvertently played a losing game of one-upmanship. In your sweetie’s mind, you were trying to match another man's moves, which gave you an air of jealousy and possessiveness. It's as if you were imitating a Macho Boy saying, "It's my job to take you to Vegas, not his!" She will deduct points from her Interest Level due to your apparent lack of confidence and self-control.
In spite of your missteps, Harold, I have to say that in the grand scheme of things, your mistakes were minor - that’s why I believe that your girl was looking for an excuse to break her date with you. If she really had high Interest Level, she would have given you smiles and hugs for the birthday present, not stalling tactics.
For now, Harold, I think you should back off of your girlfriend for a while and avoid getting too caught up with her problems. Oh, you should definitely be supportive - but don’t try to impress her or try to get her out of her funk through distractions. Give her a simple gift, like a rose with a birthday card – then step back. If her Interest Level in you is above 50%, then her emotional storm will blow over and she will thank you for being stable like The Rock of Gibraltar. At that point, she will be ready to run away to The Luxor Hotel with you. But if her rain clouds don’t clear up, then you should take a raincheck on getting more involved with her.
If you plan to keep a woman over the long haul, then use adversity to learn how she will react when the going gets tough.
Remember guys, as my Uncle Jethro Love would say: “You marry her Interest Level but you live with her attitude.”
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